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First year without Dad - anniversary approaching

3 replies

bereavementtriggers · 07/06/2020 18:32

My Dad died suddenly last summer at a relatively young age. It was really difficult for various reasons, namely complicated family dynamics. I was executrix of his estate. I hold a lot of guilt because he died alone and was not found for a week. He couldn't be buried in his suit & we had to have a closed casket so none of his children had a chance to properly say their goodbyes. I felt responsible for everything funeral and estate related and I found out I was pregnant with my first child the same week I found out he died. With that and everything else on my plate being the executrix I think I struggled to grieve properly, I was trying to be the "perfect daughter" by managing my father's affairs perfectly. It all backfired as my stepbrother was not happy with anything I did anyway and I think he resents me for him not being able to say goodbye (I had to make the final decision re: closed coffin).

Anyway it's nearly the anniversary of his death and I'm getting so triggered by the dates coming up on my phone and also all the Father's Day ads. Does anyone have any advice?

OP posts:
A1A1 · 14/06/2020 22:07

So sorry for your loss, sounds like you’ve had a lot on this past year. It sounds like you did what felt right, so that is enough, don’t beat yourself up.

IME the build up to the anniversary was tougher than the day itself. Then I felt a sense of relief that we’d made it through that first year. However, I still feel a pang of heartbreak for every special occasion that my dad misses.

Theterrible42s · 17/06/2020 05:02

I'm so sorry for your loss. I don't have any advice, as I only lost my dad two months ago, but I'm also feeling very triggered by the approach of father's day this weekend. It's going to be tough and I don't know how to navigate it with my two small children. Sending a virtual handhold to you.

LadybirdsAreFab · 17/06/2020 07:26

I am sorry for your loss. I lost my Dad 5 years ago and I still have sad days/moments.

Fathers Day is hard and we didn’t really mark it. You are inundated with emails reminding you. On what would have been his birthday and the anniversary of his death we always mark it by having his favourite meal/bottle of wine/doing something he loved.

Please don’t blame yourself for anything. You did what you had to do to give him a good send off.

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