How do you deal with knowing your mum is dying?

[Allthebestusernameshavegone]

I’m totally devastated.
We found out in March that my mother had cancer. The oncologist expected a ‘favourable’ result from the treatment.
Since starting radiotherapy she’s become very well.
Kidney failure, blood clots on the lungs, sickness from the radiotherapy. She weighs barely anything now.
The oncologist phoned my dad on Monday to tell him there’s nothing more they can do. Part of the tumour isn’t responding to the treatment and she has a few weeks, maybe a few months.

I haven’t seen her since early March due to her condition and we didn’t want to risk her getting the virus. I’m going to see her today but apparently she hasn’t acknowledged that it’s terminal and hasn’t mentioned anything to my dad or sister since coming home. She’s telling the nurses and my dad that there’s no more treatment until she’s strong enough.

I have no idea how to deal with this and I’m not coping. She’s 57.
I’m going to see her later, but my sister(still lives at home) sent a picture of her last night and she looks so gaunt. The thought of watching her die and I suppose bottling it all up in breaking my heart. My children love her as do my siblings children. They’re all under 6.
I just feel like I’m not strong enough to deal with it and don’t know what to do. 😢

@Allthebestusernameshavegone

I am so sorry. Sounds like your mum is in both realms. I know how hard it is, and to see your mum like that is so painful. Speak to her essence though. She is still yiur mum in that vessel that she will soon be leaving.

Speak all the words you need to speak and reassure her. You may cry certainly as you do, but you will know your mum is listening.

I am having very difficult days. And will do. But I communicate with my mum daily and contemplate a lot on it all. Moments of clarity and peace are blessed relief from pain.

I send you all so much love x

@Allthebestusernameshavegone your post made me sob you poor thing. Do you have a supportive partner?

Can't even imagine how hard it must be to watch it sounds as though she is just hanging on do you think there's anyone she's waiting for a visit off?

Cuddle her, smell her and tell her everything you hope to do with your life you are her baby and she will be listening

Sending you strength xx

Just be there OP. I know it's heartbreaking watching it but you'll always be able to look back and know you were there. I went through the same thing and it's utterly devastating but the tiny bit of comfort I get is from knowing I was there. She knows you're there. Talk to her. You have a hard road in front of you but do all you can now to make it that tiny bit less heartbreaking. Have no regrets. I'm sorry. It's the hardest thing in the world xx

Oh I'm so, so sorry. Your last post really resonated with me as I lost my dear mum fifteen years ago to cancer and it was heartbreaking to see her so frail and ill.
We were told on the Friday that she probably had about a month left but she went downhill the very next day and finally died on the Wednesday. I totally understand that you don't want your mum to leave but you don't want to see them suffering either. It's heartbreaking.
My only advice to you would be to accept support and counselling. I had a nine week old daughter and my son was five and my husband is self-employed and worked all the hours under the sun and absolutely rubbish at supporting me at the best of times and I was just too caught up in grief and looking after two young children to seek help, plus we couldn't afford for me to get private counselling and now fifteen years on and I'm still struggling big time. So please reach out for help and support. I wish I had.
Take care

I don’t want to lose my mum but I want it to be over now for her sake but also for you. I have heard it described as torture for the family members to watch someone you love deteriorate until they die and I would agree.

My siblings and I were with my Mum when she died of cancer, she was in a cancer hospital and on end of life care. We just wanted her to die because she wasn't "living" she wasn't the vibrant, full of life person we knew and loved.

Be kind to yourself, look after each other and remember all the lovely things about her, fill yourself up with good memories.

Thankyou again everyone.
My mum passed away in the early hours of this morning. We’re heartbroken and also relieved that she’s no longer suffering. My dad phoned just after she’d passed and my siblings and I all went over. It was a mixture of tears and laughter while sharing funny stories.
Today has been so so hard though, having to tell our children, I’ve been preparing them for a while but don’t think they really understood. We just cuddled for ages this morning and my daughter (4) drew some lovely pictures of her and my mum. My eldest (6) has been asking a lot of questions tonight and he didn’t want to be on his own at bedtime 😢
I feel so lucky to have a close family. I’m one of 4. But she will leave a large void in our lives 😢😢

I'm so sorry💐

I'm so sorry. Take care

I'm so sorry x x
I'm in tears for you reading this. X
I hope you are able to see and be close to your family for support.
My mum died from cancer when my DC were 4 and 1, but she was on life support so we knew the day before it was turned off. Youngest DC didnt understand obviously but the eldest had seen her 3 weeks before when seemingly well.

Sorry to hear this @Allthebestusernameshavegone

When my mum died last year in similar circumstances, I forgot to take care of me, as I was rallying around for everyone else. and then ended up a few weeks later having to take time off work for me and me alone to try and relax and recuperate.

I hadn't realised in the whirlwind the stresses that were going on with the actual me, because you tend to just get out of bed and crack on, because you're a mum and thats what we do.

So remember to be kind to yourself as well.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Thinking of you x