Clearing a house...

[OldSpeclkledHen]

So my DM passed away early March (thankfully before the lockdown - she wouldn't have coped with it) she owned our family home and has instructed it be sold (in the will)

I have a brother who lives out of the country.

My Uncle (Mums brother) has a financial interest in the house.

He is pressuring me to get it emptied so the solicitor (sole executor) can have keys... I don't understand why he needs the keys?

I want to take my time sorting through stuff... it was where I grew up, there's memories... (I have ruthlessly emptied a couple of rooms of rubbish that went to the tip, and I cried driving out - after dumping just rubbish!)

I don't want the solicitor to have the keys until I have sorted/emptied the house.

My brother is not interested.

I feel alone and useless (I have no idea what I am doing) and there is no one in RL I can talk too ...

My uncle just wants it all sorted, the house and car sold ... I'm just ... crap ... I know it needs doing - am just struggling with it all.

Tell him to piss off!
Its horrible having to clear a house after a death.

I'm so sorry about your mum (((hugs)))
Tell your uncle to piss off, or block his number for a bit x

So sorry for your loss. I agree with PPs , tell Uncle he needs to wait. It takes a while. Even with sisters help, we took 6 months to sort everything and get ready to sell.
You’ve not had long enough to grieve , never mind do all the practical stuff.
If he continues to push, have a word with the solicitor, he will probably be more sensible.

I've had to do this. I was an only child so no pressure to do it quickly , and I could do it in my own time.
Start in the kitchen as usually this holds the least sentimental items in , then bathroom .
My old bedroom was largely as it was when I left home so that brought a few memories.
If you have space at home , just take all photos, albums , and if your mum kept diaries home with you to sort when you feel emotionally strong enough.
I found wardrobes and personal items hard to sort.
One thing I did do was to take photos of rooms before I started to keep the memory.
Don't let your uncle rush you, tell him it was your home once as well .
Once the family home was sold and I was having my last visit, I found that very hard as I was remembering many happy family times
I'm sorry for your loss.

Some good ideas above.When I cleared my dad’s house I took photos of things that I wanted to keep as reminders, but not particularly the actual object.I also took lots of pictures inside and outside the house, plants in the garden etc,

Who is the Executor of your mum's will?

Your uncle should back off. What's the rush to sell the house anyway? Is he desperately short of cash?

The housing market is odd at the moment, so I really don't understand the rush to put the house on the market.

Sorry about your mum. Take as long as you need.

I've had to clear our family home as mum and dad both died since lockdown. TBH, I found it easier to just push on rather than thinking about everything too much as the more I thought, the more I had the urge to hang onto stuff I didn't need/want, just the memories.
I have rented a storage unit, so everything that needs to be sold has gone there as well as boxes of photos, books etc that I need time to sort through, and then we got a house clearance company to deal with the rest. Which was awful, but actually now I feel like I can move on with things, and obviously it did need valuing for probate/IHT purposes fairly swiftly so that could move on

Actually I missed that the solicitor is sole executor. In that case, in strict legal terms, you don't have a right to remove anything from the house, and the executor has a duty to secure all the contents

Have a word with the solicitor OP, get the legal steer on all this. They’ll be used to these sorts of things.

I wouldn’t say anything to your uncle just yet.

@cmotdibbler

I don't want the solicitor going through stuff though.

What things am I not allowed to remove?! Photos? Mementos ?

What will they do with it all?

Thank You everyone for your replies. My Uncle is only trying to help (he is a man in that he's very practical and a doer) it just upsets me he's pushing forward, not understanding the emotional side of it.

Such a shit time.

What does it say in the will about personal possessions?

Sounds really similar to my uncle. From experience you need to calmly speak to him and explain you're having a tough time and you need some space to go through the house and it's not something you want to rush. Hopefully as he's trying to help he will take your feelings into consideration. You won't get this chance again. Don't let him take it away from you. I'm so so sorry for your loss

Sorry for your loss. We bought loads of really useful boxes to archive things that we found too difficult to sort out at the time. It was our childhood home and there was a lot of stuff. It’s easier to look at it after a gap of a couple of years.

So sorry to hear about this . I agree a conversation with the solicitor might set your mind at rest - if it helps I very much doubt the solicitor will go through things or remove anything from the house, or even physically go to the house at all, that isn't their job and they almost certainly wouldn't want to do it! They will just want to have the keys so they can keep them safe and be assured the house is secure etc (which is their job as executor).

However the other posters are right in that if the solicitor has been named the sole executor they should have oversight of (but not necessarily 'do') the sorting out of the house/possessions, because if there are any valuable items or items which are 'in dispute' as to who should have them, that is their responsibility to sort out, and if you have already removed them that makes things much harder (not suggesting you've done anything wrong at all but just so you know what technically/legally is the case).

What should really happen is that all the beneficiaries of the will (in this case it sounds as though that's you, your brother and your uncle, or are there others as well?) should explicitly agree what is going to happen with the possessions and sorting out the house, and the timescales this should happen in. Sounds like everyone is in agreement that you should sort the house out and there isn't anything in there the other beneficiaries particularly want, but I would get this confirmed through the solicitors in case anyone turns around at a later date and says 'oh but I wanted to keep X/I think Y was valuable' and you've already disposed of it. If there are any differences of opinion on either how quickly the sorting and selling of the house should be done, or on what anyone gets to keep it is the solicitor/executors job as executor to sort that out, not yours. So I think if you speak to the solicitor (or email them if speaking is too hard) and suggest your preferred timescale for sorting and marketing, and let them either confirm that is reasonable or go back and negotiate with your uncle if not. I would avoid any further discussion with your uncle directly if it's upsetting you.

For what it's worth, I do think I agree with CMOT that sometimes lingering over these things just prolongs the pain - I completely understand all the emotions attached to someone's house and belongings but really your memories and feelings about your Mum don't 'live' in her house and stuff, and holding onto them won't necessarily help or change how you feel. Clearing out a whole lifetime's worth of stuff is so gruelling and tough at the best of times, never mind when you've been bereaved and you have the current situation in the mix as well, it doesn't seem wholly fair that it's all fallen on you to manage either. You might find this a horrible idea, but I wonder if you, your uncle and the solicitor might want to agree that after you've all had a chance to remove any items of sentimental or monetary value from the house, you get house clearers to do the hard work of dealing with what's left, rather than you having to drive to the tip with loads of rubbish for hours/days on end? I know this will cost but presumably it could be taken from the estate, and it might make it all a bit more bearable for you? Feel free to ignore me if not though....

Sending a hug as I know how hard this is. I'm an only child so have sorted two parents' things by myself and it's hard. You need to pace yourself certainly, you can't do loads at once as it's a nightmare. You'll manage it, but make sure your uncle knows why you aren't dashing ahead with things. If you need a week or so off from it, then do that. You shouldn't feel under pressure at all. Take care.

You need to talk to the solicitor though - they have no use for photos or to go through things. But, say, you decided to take all the jewellery, so it then wasn't valued as part of the estate, and your brother complained that he had been done out of £10,000 (total example), then if the executor hadn't taken steps to secure the house and assets, he'd be liable

@maxelly Thank You so much xx
That makes perfect sense (quick glance as I'm at work). I just had visions of the solicitor going in and binning everything 🙈🙈