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Bereavement

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Death is nobodys fault

3 replies

Nena5878 · 30/05/2020 14:27

Sometimes I think i have the power to change the past.Thinking I if I would have done this,I should have done this or that and realized how powerless I am about my own powerlessness.I feel guilty and responsible for my moms death but I was there for her during the last six years at the end I also needed help and I was not well enough to take her home with me.I regret not doing what I wanted to do at the momenf.And sometimes I think that we are not able to change when things are supposed to happen. Death is inevitable and I just need to deal with my grief.

OP posts:
BackforGood · 30/05/2020 18:22

It might help you to know that this guilt' is really a very normal part of the grief cycle. Most of us look back and think 'if only'. It is a very normal stage to go through.
Take care of yourself Flowers

Bourbonbiccy · 30/05/2020 19:54

Death is really terrible and it carries massive guilt.

I am 2 years on and I think during this lockdown is the time it's really hitting. I have stayed so busy for 2 years, basically running from dealing with it, just to keep going.
It had obviously hit me during the nights for the last 2 years but now I find myself in the day running through every interaction of every second in the last few months, weeks, days and hours on the run up to my mum dying.

She was my best friend, an amazing mum and proudest Nana in the short 6 months she had. But I am told guilt is a massive part of any grief, I am going back to feeling guilty about stuff when I was 14, younger and things between her and my father that I should have protected her more. Which I know is ridiculous, it wasn't that bad and she wouldn't have accepted it and I was there for her and ultimately made a stand that made her leave.

I went through the PALS to query and ensure I was comfortable with how they handled it, and I still hold her GP slightly responsible for not acting quicker and I regret not actioning that concern through the proper channels.

Ultimately though, yes you are right, in most cases it's no ones fault and people normally act in good will with good intention at the time, so you can't change things, just know you did your absolutely best.

Sorry to ramble p, But I do understand the guilt feeling, but be kind to yourself, you did your best.

ParkheadParadise · 30/05/2020 19:58

Feeling guilty is a normal part of grieving.
It took a lot of counselling for me to be able to deal with guilt.

Take care of yourself.

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