how do i cope with my sister's death????

[lovecamping]

the funeral was on monday and i'm lost. what am i going to do?

I'm so sorry i have no words of advice...but others will come along soon who can help you

I've "only" lost parents, must be so much harder when it's a sibling before their time. Sorry you're having to go through this but can't say anything that isn't a cliche. Hopefully someone who's been through this will be able to help more soon. Take care.

i cant help thinking it should be me. i have a big family but she was the best one of all of us ... just so kind and thoughtful, its unfair ...

Please don't think like that. She and your family would be feeling just the same as you are now if that had been the case.

so sorry, i can't imagine what you must be going through.
you must give yourself time to grieve, don't expect too much of yourself, just be with your family ...

would you like to tell us about her?

hello lovecamping,im sorry i have only just seen your post.Yes i know exactly how you are feeling ,i too lost my sister when she was 26yrs old.She was the baby in the family and we actually shared the same birthday.I had to cope to start with as i felt i had to be the strong one as everyone else around me was falling to bits,but in the long term this was the wrong thing to do as ten months later,i was off work with a really bad depression.As the time has gone by it has eased,that is not to say we dont think about her a lot,we all talk about her often and in my case i have just had her name tattooed on my shoulder.It has now been 18yrs since she died.I would say Keep her pictures around you with maybe some flowers by her,if it makes you feel better talk to her.I know you will miss her physical presence but she is still your sister,I promise you it does become easier and you eventually will be able to laugh again at some of the things you and her have done over the years.

lovecamping - am so sorry to hear your news - it must feel awful. I lost my brother when he was 10 and I was 13, a long time ago and I was at a tricky age, don't think I really grieved at the time. Can't offer any sage advice, just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you

p.s. I have pictures of him in the house and one on my desk -I think of him as some kind of guardian,looking after us.

forgot to add that at the time she had a little girl who was 2yrs old and was expecting her second child.

I don't have a sister, but my best friend died when she was 22. It is so hard, and the only advice I can give you is to allow yourself to grieve now as much as you need to and let your emotions out. Accept support from people offering it as well. I am still very upset about it, 5 years on from her death, but I am able to deal with it better and carry on with life (as we all must). Time will never take away the pain, but it will become manageable and not something that is in the forefront of your mind as it obviously is for you now.

Dearest lovecamping
you must be in terrible shock.I lost my brother to cancer 6 years ago.
Looking back all I acan say is it will take time for you to feel better.
Be kind to yourself( at all times)
Get help and someone outside the family to talk to( phone Cruise)You will be able to feel stronger if you can channel your grief with a councellor.I can honestly say it saved me just to be able to say the things that scared me, horrified me,worried me, angered me out loud without judgenment. The people close to you are also greiveing so they may not be able to 'hear'you.
Befriend your doctor.Let her know what has happened.At the very least she will be able to keep an eye on you.Sometimes the internal pain can cause physical symptoms.I seemed to constantly be on the verge of a cold, but my doctor helped me understand that it was my body telling me to slow down.
If you can't bear to look at photos of your sister then believe me it is OK. I could n't stand to be reminded constantly.Instead i kept a small photo of my brother and me in my purse.I allowed myself to look at it only when i was feeling strong or had time and space to think about my sadness.
Take, steal or find some Me time.Insist on it.( if dh ever asks how he can help this what to tell him)It is vital for your own survival and peace of mind.I used to drive about, go for a walk, wander round a shop,sit in the garden and cry.Whatever.Its YOUR time. You need to take these breaks so you can manage the rest of the day.
Plan something to look forward to(even if you don't)You will need one big thing like a holiday- plan it imagine it and sort it out.It will help get you through Christmas.
In the short term plan little things to look forward too( distractions) A trip to a farm/ a walk on the beach/ a meal out/2 hours straight on mumsnet. Factor these in to give your life some structure.It will be easier to cope if you organise and the actual organising will give you something to do.These distractions are vital.All of this will exhaust you.
Most of all get lots of sleep.I found i slept better if i was physically knackered.If my brain was worn out I couldn't sleep for the anxiety and sadness. Walk fast.Get the bus( it takes longer and fills up the endless days)
What no one ever tells you:
It is ok to have fun and laugh
It is ok to not want to go out and socialise
There is no limit or timescale for grief
You will feel better eventually, but this will creep up on you, not happen overnight

Most of all know that you have a fantastic support system here on Mumsnet.
lots of love to you.

Cf I agree that you do sometimes feel guilty,because my sister and i shared a birthday for the next 5 or 6th birthdays i had felt i couldnt celebrate because she wasnt here.Eventually i decided enough was enough and had a party for the next one.It was great and although sad it enabled me to move on such a lot more.I have been sat here thinking back to that terrible time and a lot of it seems to of been blocked out,i now dont think of sitting in the intensive care unit ,the day of her death etc i just think of her as a person with love.At Christmas time i always take a minature xmas tree for her and on our birthday,i take a card. Another thing i did was to say to myself she had emigrated to Australia,im not sure of the reason for this,but it made her still alive to me.It didn help that we had lost our beloved grandfather only 12 weeks previously.

I feel for you, it would be a nightmare to lose my sister. Don't think I can be of any help but you have my deepest sympathy.

i'm sorry for not having written so long.
thank you for all your kind words.

i'm finding that its all still very raw for me. people are still finding out ie mums at the school gates and old friends that i'd lost touch with and it just brings it all back. writing about it also sends me to tears. its still really hard. i'm experiencing loads of emotions and feel lost and overwhelmed alot. the pain is also so physical, its hurts so much.

there are distractions during the day which i'm not sure is a good thing or not.

i have pictures of her on my fridge which is nice.

i'm not sure if i do not to tell you about her because its a bit too personal for me IYKWIM... thank you...

i also wonder something really silly - i come from a big family, i used to have 4 sisters and now only 3... thats hard. i dont want to say that i only have 3 sisters now ...

lovecamping - so sorry to hear what you're going through

If it helps, my friend's daughter died 4 years ago and when people ask her if she has children, she always says " I have 2 daughters - C is 22 and S died 4 years ago when she was 19"

She is still your sister - and always will be

Sorry to hear your sad news.
I understand what you are going through,my only sibling my sister committed suicide 4 years ago.

i'm so sorry pelvicfloornomore

and yr right tommy. I have 4 sisters.