Hello,
I think I just need to write this down because I haven't processed it properly/don't feel like my grief is 'valid'.
It's coming up to 2 years since my friend died and I'm really struggling with it, it was just so tragic.
He was my first 'boyfriend' (I said 'boyfriend' because we were 14/15 and it was very juvenile) and we knew each other over a period of 8 years or so. We lost touch and hadn't spoken for years afterwards, this is why it seems so silly that it has affected me so much.
I found out via Facebook that he took his life and it crushed me. He was 23 and even in school he was one of those who didn't give a shit about school, smoking, drugs etc. He lived with his friend in a caravan in the garden because his parents weren't around. But he was popular, thoughtful and so, so passionate about music. It was all he did. At 14 I thought he was so bloody cool 
He had a lot of mental health issues when we were teenagers and I just feel so, so guilty and so sad that it ended that way. He shouldn't have been alone and he should have never have had to feel that way, bad enough to kill himself.
But then again I feel like I shouldn't be so affected because we hadn't spoken for years before all of it. I just feel so sad for him and wanted him to know that I still think he's great.
Sorry for the ramble, I'm just so torn up.