Orphaned as a teenager?

[BurlingtonBlue]

Both my parents died unexpectedly within a few months of each other when I was 18. Has anyone here experienced something similar? I’ve never met anyone in real life who can identify with this but now (many years and hours of therapy later) I think it might be helpful to know there are other people out there who have been through it, just to feel less alone I guess?

@BurlingtonBlue

Sorry for your losses OP, it is incredibly hard to lose both parents so young.
Not quite the same thing but I have lost both parents within 18 months of each other and I am 30. I have friends who have lost one parent but not both and I feel angry, sad, lost and robbed of parents. My parents were both hard working, brilliant people and I had to watch both die a cruel death that I will never fully get over. I was extremely lucky to have brilliant parents but I wanted longer with them.

How old are you now OP?

How do you feel about it now?

Thanks @Glitterb

I’m in my early 30s now. As I get older and more friends lose a parent I realise how different my experience of losing my parents was, in that I was a sixth form student and still very much dependent on them for everything, but I was 18 so too old
to be fostered. I had to suddenly become an adult and the stress of having to look after myself and a house etc at the same time as dealing with not just the loss of my parents but having to say good bye to school/hobbies/dog/cars/siblings/income etc is something I am only just acknowledging.

I cannot even imagine how tough that was..how exactly did you cope? Did you have support from other family? It must feel like you have already lived a lifetime before you hit 30!

I was 25, but a friend was 19. I wasn't in a fit state to help her at the time. She had to sell the family house and a lot of its contents, she had an older sibling elsewhere in the country.
Also she was adopted, she later met her birth family, her birth mother. She had no interest in her father.
I'm finding it difficult now, so many people want to see their parents. I want to see mine, but never will. Are other people finding this?

@Glitterb I don’t know how I coped really, I guess it’s like any stressful situation, in the sense that you just middle through and carry on as best you can because you have to. My memories are very vague of the immediate year or so after my parents’ deaths, which I think is a symptom of having been overwhelmed. I didn’t have a great deal of support really, I think friends/school/family all assumed that each other would be taking the lead. I fell through the gaps in the system I think.

@eggandonion I am finding coronavirus difficult as the sudden shutdown of everything and the sense of the world being turned upside down reminds me of the immediate aftermath of my parents’ deaths. I also find people moaning about not seeing their parents in person for a few weeks difficult. I have always found it difficult to deal with other people and their parents as I just want to say “Do you realise how lucky you are to have them?”.

Thanks for replying, I don't like feeling like this!
I have a lost few years, I know what I was doing after my parents died but can't remember big news stories very well from back then. It's a very lonely experience.

Sorry for your losses OP. Not exactly the same but I have just turned 32 and lost my dad completely unexpectedly on the 25th Sept last year, followed by my Mum 7 days later- also unexpected (although we had 24 hours warning so was with her) and not related to the death of my dad. The first few months I was in auto pilot and can’t remember much. Got through Christmas and New Year and had a meltdown so started counselling and some medication. I cannot even imagine it happening when I was younger.

Goodness, how awful sch! I think remembering to breathe, eat and clean your teeth was an achievement for you, do take care.

for you all @Glitterb @sch88 @eggandonion

Yes Group Hug! Not a club anyone would want to be in.
My neighbour died earlier in the year, a couple of months before her 100th birthday, she had two daughters in their seventies which I find mindblowing. She was widowed at 39. Life throws some curve balls.

Yes parents both divorced and then died when I was a teenager. Lived on my own from 16 with very little family near although what were there did help.

Was financially broke as doing Alevels etc so was on benefits. It was a very hard time and lonely in my life.

However it also gave me a ruthless drive to succeed. I have an excellent career, husband and children who can have everything I couldn't. I do worry though about spoiling them as I know my childhood formed me and I get irritated that they assume they can have expensive things.

I do carry negative traits though. If people upset me badly I will cut them off without thought which includes family as I swore never to put up with shit from others. Financially I am very conservative. Never borrowed except a mortgage and we keep high levels of financial reserves for a rainy day. I have made sure DH and I have wills which have made substantial provision and trust funds for our children. I never want them to go through what I have but if they lost us at least they would have money.

I have faced a similar situation and in the last year i have faced more loss and watching my daughters lose a dad and brother. When I was 18 my father died from a degenerative illness and my mother then took her own life not long after. It has formed me as a person but also meant it took me years to sort out my life and stop just 'floating' as I think it could be called. I dropped out of uniersity twice and moved abroad. I was fortunate to have an older sister to go through it all with. My husband and son died not long ago in a car accident. It has been a horrible experience. It also feels familiar and like history is repeating itself which makes it more challenging rather than easier. I think once you have lost your parents other big event become harder, even happy ones. I am grateful that now I have my daughters and they have both me and one another.

Have you got a partner or children of your own? Or any siblings?

I am sorry for any bad English. I have been here for years but it will never be my natural language.

These are many sad stories. I hope you all find happiness. The strength I see on here is almost beyond belief.

Just wanted to say sorry for all on the thread who have lost loved ones.

My mum died when I was 19 and my sister 14, I didn't have any contact with my dad.

It is a very difficult and lonely place to be, all of a sudden I was responsible for arranging a funeral, for the care of my sister and making my own way in life without any guidance.

It's hard to see how much other people rely on their parents, and now my own DD is older I can't imagine her going through similar.

I'd guess it's a pretty safe bet to say that what happened to you at that age is probably most people's worst nightmare. You survived it- that is incredible and you should be forever proud of yourself for that. I truly don't know how you did it and I know I'd have been in pieces. It's a terrible mistake in the system that at just 18 people are expected to just cope alone. 😭

My brother died when I was 4 and it's only really now (aged nearly 40) I am beginning to appreciate the huge impact that had on my life. Brilliant you're getting counselling (it helped me) and you should be proud of yourself every day for getting through that time