1 year anniversary

[badgerread]

My ExH and DF to our two boys, 15 & 10, committed suicide a year ago on the 13th. We had been separated for 9.5 years and had an amicable relationship (until he got together with his GF 3.5 years ago) we have no relationship with her or his family apart from his brother. He had had mental health problems for a long time.

I asked the boys whether they would like to do anything special to remember Dad on the day (there is a memorial bench locally) and neither of them really want to do anything, I suggested going to the memorial bench but that was a no. Cooking a meal that he loved. No.

I feel we need to do something but I'm at a loss of what to do. I don't want to put pressure on them at this obviously very sad time.

It's a hard time for lots of people, the first anniversary and sometimes the build up is worse than the actual day.

Is there a nice place you all used to go, like a woodland walk or something, where you could maybe go and remember the happy times?

My DH died from cancer on 13th May, 4 years ago. My two DS and I don't mark the date he died. It feels so sad and painful.
I had a bereavement counsellor who said it's not a day to remember.
We celebrate his birthday and remember other special occasions.

It might just be too painful for your children to acknowledge this date. Perhaps you can do something yourself to keep his memory alive? I know I will be thinking of my DH on the 13th.

I hope you find a way through this difficult time.

hellenbach those were exactly my thoughts but others keep asking, 'What we're doing' hence feeling we should do something, although I'm not sure we want to? we celebrate other occasions such as you do and think that's enough.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Well I'm afraid sometimes people are just insensitive. My brother-in-law killed himself and I wouldn't dream of asking anything like that!
Are these people (who are asking) very wise and compassionate souls or just normal folks who can open their mouths before thinking?
I'm betting the latter. You know what's right for you. Trust yourself.