Struggling with grief during lockdown

[Helcat1976]

I lost my dear mum suddenly last week and whilst I was coping ok with lockdown prior to this, with a husband and 2 children at home and the constant noise of everybody being ‘around’ I am losing my mind with managing my grief in this environment. Every condolence card I read, every phone call I make is against a backdrop of noise. DH has been great and his work allowed him compassionate leave for the first couple of days but now he’s expected back and is on conference calls most of the day leaving me trying to organise the DS and DD with their schoolwork each day, the various calls to sort out all the admin
related to her death and just generally fielding everything. It’s all normal levels of noise but in normal circumstances the kids would be at school, I could ask people for help and I could have some kind of peace to deal with the heartbreak and pain I feel. I am worrying about my dad too so trying to make sure I address his needs and just can’t get any peace and quiet to reflect or think.
I know it’s unprecedented but it feels like a nightmare. We can’t have a church funeral and only 10 are allowed at her cremation service. I don’t know if I’ll ever recover from this. It feels like grief is turning into trauma. Just offloading as nowhere else really to express all this quietly.

I am so sorry for your loss

FWIW I think your DH should ask for more compassionate leave or if necessary take some annual leave so you can have a bit of breathing space.

Make sure you get out for a walk by yourself every day if you can.

And you could try calling Cruse?

So sorry for your loss I lost my dad just over a week ago so I know how you are feeling. We're all at home together, I have been furloughed so I'm really worried that I won't have a job come another month or so, can't see family because of lockdown & like you we are only allowed 10 at the cremation which is in a couple of weeks. I'm just totally heartbroken with it all. Try and take some time for yourself, even just an hour in the day - I'm starting to get annoyed & irritated by everyone at home & I know it's not there fault but I can't help it! Xx

Thanks so much. I’ve also been been furloughed @Gingercat86 so was worrying about that too and then this happened. Sounds like a very similar situation and am so sorry for the loss of your dad too. You’re right I need to take some time for myself. I had a bit of a meltdown earlier and my DH whisked them all out for a walk.
Thank you @AnotherEmma for the Cruse suggestion. I’ll look into that tomorrow as I do think I need something. My DH has just told me too that he’s asked for the day off tomorrow so with the bank hol weekend that makes me feel a lot better. He said he gets it. His own mum died a few years ago and he does acknowledge how hard it is anyway without all this. It’s his blinking conf calls but he’s going to let his boss know it’s causing issues.
I know no one is at fault for anything but I think we all have our limits! Thanks again for your replies.