I’ve tried posting this so many times but I haven’t. I’ve been scared. The situation is so complicated.
My ex husband died. He died last year. We’d only been apart two years when he passed. Divorced for about a year. I wasn’t fully over it all yet if I’m honest and I don’t think he was really as apparently he still had photos of me up on the mantel piece in our old house.
We had an amicable break up really. We decided love wasn’t enough with everything we had been through and for the sake of our young daughter we would split. Coparenting was so easy. I read some posts on here and think I’m so glad we weren’t like that.
Things are more complicated as his short term girlfriend hates me. Banned me from the funeral. Had treated our daughter like crap. His family have treated her like crap. She’s only little. She’s heart broken as her dad was her favourite person In the world. He would say to me when we were old we’d get back together after we’d gotten over all the crap.
He was young and it was sudden and totally unexpected. It hurts more than I could have ever imagined. I’ve never been experienced grief before. I feel like I’ve lost him twice now. I also have to deal with our young daughters grief and her hurt over his family’s actions and the pain they’ve caused her. We were getting some where before lockdown. We had a little routine to help us. Both in therapy... but now that’s all taken away.
How do people get through this? I find it’s just getting harder. It’s nearly a year and I’m more distraught than ever. This time last year he was here... we would talk everyday. We were still friends. We were together since I was a teenager and for a long time. He makes up nearly all of my adult life. I’m in my 30s now. We had our daughter in our 20s. We went through two pregnancy loses together. I keep thinking of all the things he will miss from our daughters life. It hurts. When it gets to a year... I won’t be able to say he was here last year.
I went to the funeral to support our daughter. I was screamed at. I’ve been treated like shit by people who know nothing of the relationship we had.
We had such a good parenting relationship despite being split. I didn’t feel like a single parent. Now I do. I feel so lost. I built a life with him and that ended. We found a new normal and then that was taken too.
I just want him back now. To help me raise our daughter. To be there for her.
Does this get any easier?