How to mark first anniversary in lockdown

[2TheMoonNBack]

Hi everyone. My lovely dad last June and I'm now thinking about how we might mark his first anniversary. I live in Ireland and it looks like the traditional ways like having a mass and visiting his grave may not now be an option. My mum, brothers and I are all living apart and not mixing households due to lockdown. Does anyone have any suggestions or recent experience that we could think about? One part of it is to honour his memory but I'm probably more worried about supporting my poor mum who will be on her own that day.

You could put together a slide show or video of him and share it with your family. X

I'm so sorry for your loss. I know it isn't traditional, but I saw a post on social media where each family member lit a paper lantern (you can get one here) in memory of their loved one, and let it go all at the same time (eg, you plan ahead and say to your mum to let it go at 8pm). They also facetimed each other and shared memories. Could you drop some food round to your mum and eat 'together' over video? I have done that recently with my mum and it does feel like you are all in the same room. Wishing you all the best x

Don't do the lanterns - they are very dangerous to wildlife etc.

Can you all eat his favourite food and/or raise a glass (or mug!) of his favourite drink at the same time? Play a song?

Supporting your mum from a distance will be tough.

Thank you. You've given me some lovely ideas to think about. I think I'll try to make a slide show which we can share. It will be lovely to see happy photos of him with his family over the years. And the idea of having a meal with mum is wonderful too.

I'm sorry about your Dad - mine died a few years ago now and I still miss him every day, but the chest crushing grief does eventually lift a bit x
I'm sorry you can't be with your Mum & brothers and do what you'd normally do.

I was several thousand miles from my family on Dads first anniversary. Mum & I each did our own things but spoke on the phone a couple of times - and cried. A Lot. Oh & I sent mum some flowers.

I went for a walk to somewhere I had wanted to take him when he came over for a visit and went and had a 'good cup of coffee' which he'd have appreciated. So, nothing earth shattering, but just spent time in places he'd have enjoyed and tried to think about happier times. Oh & the little ones blew some large bubbles up to Grandad 😢

Please don't set off lanterns, they're awful for the wildlife and horses etc as well as a fire risk.

Other than meeting on Skype etc I really don't know what to suggest.

Big (virtual)Hugs 🌷

Thank you all so much for your kind thoughts and beautiful suggestions.

As a farmer, please do not release sky lanterns.

Sorry for your loss. We always raise a glass to our FIL with his favourite tipple. Can you do a zoom meeting and raise a glass? The slide show sounds a lovely idea. Do you have any favourite music you could all listen to together?

I had known about the dangers of sky lanterns so we won't do that but we will light a candle in each of our homes at the same time. I've emailed my brothers with all the ideas and I think we'll be able to mark the day and try our best to support mum. Thanks again everyone.

I’m really sorry but I don’t have any suggestions for you as I am currently trying to think of how I can do the same for my wonderful Dad. He passed away last year and I can’t stop thinking about what to do on this day too. It would also have been a big milestone birthday for him the day before. I always thought I would spend the time with my close family but with us all in lockdown this is not possible. I just feel so sad and miss him terribly and want to do something that he would have loved and would have made him proud too. Sorry to comment on you post without a suggestion but I’m also appreciating the ideas.

I'm so sorry for your loss RubyRoses. I knew that this first year was going to be very difficult after my dad's death but I really had no idea. I live in Ireland and we had a announcement since my original post which gives me a few more options now. I think that the graveyard will be open and my brother and I will be allowed visit my mum for a little while on the day. My other brother lives on the other side of the world so we're still planning to mark it with him via zoom. It might give you some ideas if I tell you what we've decided to do. I'm pulling together family photos of dad to put into a slide show for us and the wider family. All the grandkids are going to draw pictures about granddad and I'll include photos of them in slideshow too. My mum, brother and I will be able to visit dad's grave on the day and leave some flowers. Later we three and my brother who lives abroad will skype, raise a drink to dad and light a candle beside a photo of him.
Also, it has been a great relief for my family and me that dad had died before COVID. It would have scared him so much and my mum and his family would have been sick with worry trying to keep him safe. I'm also so grateful that all his family and friends could support us after he died. It is so inhuman for people to grieve alone and so many people are going through that brutal pain right now.
My dad and yours don't have to go through that and it's clear that they were both loved and loving men. 💐

I am also so very sorry for your loss. It sounds as if you have planned a very thoughtful and special way to mark this first anniversary. I'm really pleased to hear it will now be possible for you to spend this time with your family and visit his grave together. Thank you so much for taking the time to share your plans with me.