Please ignore, I just need to vent and cry

[tripletsandtwins]

A very close friend of mine had a baby girl on September 13th. They knew there was going to be something wrong with the baby from the scans, and found out very early she had got clubfoot and suspected downs.

Once she was born, the drs believed that she was going to perfectly healthy and not have any disability, other than the clubfoot.

Then, on Friday night, they thought that she might have downs, and she wasn't feeding at all, and so they've tested her for it.

The results were clean, however, she has now been tested for Edwards Syndrome, and they are certain that she has it. It is unlikely that she will survive for another 2months.

In around two months it will be the anniversary of my best friend's mother's death, I just know this will crush her, but I don't know what to do!

I'm scared that I'm doing all the wrong things to help, and I think that my very presence is making everything worse for my friend because I'm pregnant and my babies seem perfectly healthy without any problems and I already have triplets who are healthy and happy.

I've just spent the last half hour sobbing over this, I feel so helpless.

Oh gosh, I don't know how to advise you but you have my sympathies in the difficult situation you are in and even more so for your friend. What a terrible blow for her

oh tandt, that's dreadful!

I have friends whose little girl had Edwards', she lived 4m and they went on to have 3 healthy boys - but they still thank god for the time they had with their Maggie Rose.

All you can do is be there for your friend - ask her if she feels your presence is making things worse. Sometimes it might but sometimes she might just feel glad to have you there.

good luck hun

So sad, your poor friend.

I agree with phdlife, be honest and open with your friend, ask her if it upsets her or helps her to have you around. And try not to get upset if she needs space from you for a while.

Look after yourself

T&T sorry to hear this, very sad for your friend and you.

i doubt your presence would make her feel any worse. I'm sure it's the complete opposite, to have a friend who probably has her hands a little full, but still has time for her is truly a wonderful friend, exactly what she needs just to know you care and are there for her, that's about all you can do and perhaps try and make it a little happy so she enjoys the time she has with dd.

I would say just hug her, hold her, cry with her. Maybe make a keepsake box for her with some photos and mementoes of her baby.

How sad for her.

How terrible for your friend. My advice would be to be there for her if she wants you to be. Her feelings/moods will probably change drastically from one moment to the next - how she can take in all the trauma and sadness and process the information to get through the day. I'm sure she will appreciate a caring thoughtful friend at this time so go with her wishes - if you know her very well you will know when to back off or be with her, listen to her, hug her, cry with her etc.

Take lots of photos of her with her precious daughter.

Maybe you could find out some information about Edward's syndrome - the contact a family website - there might be another family near to where she lives who have been through what she is going through.

Thinking of you.