What would you do?

[ellie2201]

I’ve posted on here about my dad dying a couple of weeks ago (not covid). My mum is on her own three hours away. So far she has coped ok but obviously it’s a horrendous situation for us both. She is under 70 but we don’t want to take any risks with her health. My husband is a key worker so we cannot isolate. Do I just have to accept that I won’t see my mum until lockdown is over? Even if it’s 6+ months? I’m deeply worried about the impact this will have on her. She told me today she was lonely and needed a hug. It seems so cruel that she has to be alone after losing her love of 45 years.

Pretty much, get her on zoom, seeing each other's faces will make a big difference

I really feel for everyone in this situation. It’s truly shit!!

I'm really sorry about the loss of your dad. I think that in these circumstances you might need to take a calculated risk. It depends on what your attitude is to that risk, I presume you are relatively young a healthy. Presuming your mum is also under 70 with no pre-existing health conditions that might pre-dispose her to a negative outcome in the small chance that she contracted COVID 19 from you, I would consider visiting her. I realise this might be a massively unpopular suggestion but grief and lack of close support and comfort takes its toll too. I wish your family all the best with whatever decision you all choose to make.

Hi Ellie

Sorry to hear about your Dad. It truly is shit!! I’m not sure if it was yourself that had posted about this or if it was someone else but I do remember a post and they also had child 10+ yrs.

My Dad is currently dying, he came home today from the hospital. I’m not sure if it will be days or weeks but I’m guessing it will be soon. Up until last week when he was first admitted I had stayed away for 4 weeks and had also been isolating. I took the decision to visit him there as we were told he could deteriorate quickly and I thought that may be my only chance to see him one last time. Although my parents live about 30 mins away I have been going to see my Mum and go up to hospital with her and I went round there today to help her get things ready for Dad coming home. My Mum is almost 74, has high blood pressure and is diabetic but she has lost 2 stone during the last 4 weeks with stress. I think that it is a lot to expect someone who has recently lost (or losing) their partner to just be expected to have no contact or real life support. I know there are many people that will be raging that I am doing that but I feel that my Mum needs the support and to be honest so do I. If you think that it would make you both feel a bit better then as long as you are being very careful with social distancing, hand washing, etc and are prepared for the risk then I would say to go for it.

Take care and for this shitty situation xx

Thank you for your replies. I appreciate them, especially from those of you who have share your own similar experiences. Sending you love and support.

My dad died yesterday. I’ve been to hug my mum. I can’t not. I’m worried about her 😢

Awww Penny, I’m so sorry to hear about your Dad. I bet your Mum really appreciated a hug, it’s just a really shitty situation that we are in that makes us feel that we are doing something wrong when it’s just human nature.

My Dad died almost 4 weeks ago and for the first week I saw my Mum almost every day as I had the funeral arrangements to make and call the registrar, etc. Since the funeral I’ve seen her every other day. I’m not going out, getting my shopping delivered/click and collect, I am just going between my house and hers. The risk I’m sure is minimal. Are you in a similar situation where the risk is small or have you been working, etc? If the risk is small then I see no reason why you can’t be with your Mum, surely their mental health (and yours) comes first xx

I haven’t been anywhere. We go for walks but that’s it. Get shopping delivered, wash it down etc. I’ve been so careful. Of course when it happened we were surrounded by paramedics, police and undertakers, but I hope we haven’t been exposed to it.

@ellie2201 the pain is unbearable isn’t it? Added to that the worry of your mum. I don’t know how I’ll get through it and smile again. It’s so hard