Just found out Ex husband died 4 years ago

[kerrymucklowe2020]

Found out he died in his sleep. He was 40. Am gutted. ( Found out as somehow stumbled across an old local newspaper on the internet ). Am gutted. Feel awful. Hadn't seen him since 2013. Feel so upset

Sorry for your loss

Mistakenly Posted in Mental Health and got this response
"
You hadn’t seen him in 7 years, were unaware he died 4 yrs ago, you were hardly close enough to be ‘gutted/so upset’

Feel even more shit now

Ignore that comment op, of course you're going to be upset. YOU have just found out he died, the grief is new for you. It doesn't matter that you haven't seen him for a long time, you still shared a portion of your life with him. I'm surprised none of his family/friends let you know

My sympathies kerry. There was a point in your life when you had hopes and dreams shared with this man. He died young. He passed in an unusual way. Any of which would shake you to the core.
A way back friend of mine died this year. Young like your ex. I found out by a fluke news search. I let myself think about him for a minute or two everyday. If I hear a song he liked, it makes me smile. I haven't contacted his family or looked into his passing. I don't need those new memories. He pops up in my dreams. You might have that too. That is usual. What you think about in the day can turn up in your dreams.
Perhaps his family did not contact you because he had completely healed from your breakup. There was no unfinished business or regret and he had moved on. His lack of contact shows this. Bitter, vengeful ex's stay in touch.
Be gentle on yourself.

Jesus. Ignore that hideous comment, kerry

You had a life together and his death was out of the blue. You have so much to think over, all that time, those moments, good or less so.
I think society is even less understanding of such complicated grief than the "ordinary" kind.

Many and look after yourself.

Grief has no timeframe. It us what it is. My condolences op

When my ex boyfriend died ( not even ex husband ) I was devastated. I still grieve for him 17 years later in that i think of him often with happiness and sadness. I was only with him 3 years and we had split up 3 years previously. But he was a good man and died far too young. He missed out on so much. We were still friends although at a distance. But of course it has upset you. Your feelings are very valid and your grief is very real. Please dont feel guilty or shit for grieving the loss of a very important part of your life.

It doesn,t matter that you weren,t close the fact is you had a shared history. And to find out he has been dead for so long I understand the confusion, upset.

June - that's a big part of it tbh. The length of time before I found out. I think. if idv been able to go to the funeral ( idve been v discreet and sat at the back ) I might have dealt with it and had some sort of closure. I totally understand why his mum didn't think to tell me straightaway but I did think someone might've told me