Mums funeral - speaking to the vicar - memories of Mum

[OldSpeclkledHen]

Oh God - I can't believe I am typing this...

So my Mum passed away earlier this month from cancer - and although I loved her, we were not a close family.

I have already had a phone conversation with the vicar who is conducting her funeral next month and he asked me what he wants me to say - and I have no idea.

We are scheduled another phone chat Monday evening (tomorrow) and I scared as I still have nothing to offer (despite the social isolation - I am just filling my days of crap internet/tv/books/Dhorse)

And for some reason - I am currently unable to retrieve memories (good or bad) and I feel awful - empty.

The days following Mum's death (and certainly the days leading to it) I made almost a conscious effort to forget them … Along with it seems to be all my memories.

So I guess I am asking for assistance in what he (the Vicar) will want to know - so I don't sound like a completely shit daughter.

Mum's funeral is going to be shit anyway as extremely limited numbers (my Brother is abroad and cannot return because of this stupid fucking media frenzy virus) and now I am making even worse with a vicar with nothing to say.

Is there a service (being streamed)?

If it's your memories I would look at:

Something your Mum told you about her childhood, her parents, siblings, where and when she few up (my Mum grew up in the Second World War).

What was her life before she had children.

A childhood memory: can be where you grew up.

Something in her character and what she liked to do.
Her favourite flowers, songs, books, places, food...

Why you loved her- can just be 'I loved her and will remember her'.

I just had my Mum's service and whilst it wasn't the send off we would have had for such a sociable person (immediate family only) I know it was the best we could do in the circumstances.

There were daffodils in the church (supermarket bought but beautiful) and the spring sunshine shone.

The eulogy the minister did was from my rushed notes and I wish I had spent longer on them or done it myself but it was as it is. We had badly sung hymns as so few of us (thankyou to the minister and organist for still coming; as from tomorrow there won't be any funeral services conducted in this church itself).

We did live stream and lots of people watched (minister will be set up for this as they are doing services this way- you can print off a service sheet with photos of your Mum and the link and hymns she loved if she was religious or a song for friends/family to listen to if she wasn't and send it before the funeral via computer/post).

There isn't a right way to grieve and it is rubbish (especially in the circumstances) but I took some comfort in the fact my Mum would have seen the humour (and told a good tale) in the things that went wrong and that we did give her a 'proper' send off.

Take care and remember your Mum would take above all that you loved her.