Letter from CHC three months after dad's death

[permanentlyexhaustedpigeon]

I really need to get this off my chest as nowhere to discuss it IRL.
My dad died in January after a 5 year struggle with Lewy Body dementia and Parkinsons' disease. I fought hard to get continuing healthcare funding for him and went through the increasingly distressing process each year of putting on paper how bad he really was. He was looked after in a fantastic nursing home who always felt he was in the best place as they knew about the additional problems his condition and medication could cause and could act on them quickly.
He had a CHC review in November and I notified them the day after Dad died.
Yesterday I received a letter expressing condolences for my loss, stating that "Mr Pigeon died before the full assessment could be completed" - fair enough - and then a full document that went through all of his symptoms (including that he was more or less bed bound, prone to falling out of bed, had difficulty swallowing and needed assistance to breathe). Their conclusion in the same letter was that he "had no medical needs", didn't qualify for funding and that "his family should take steps to remove him to a conventional nursing home".

Now, I appreciate all this is academic now, but it does strike me as first and foremost a colossal waste of everyone's time, and secondly it's hard not to feel like it's unnecessarily cruel to send it anyway? Surely a copy could be logged and available on request rather than saying "sorry he's dead, but here are all the horrible symptoms anyway and you need to get a wriggle on with getting him transferred"

I've dealt with his death very practically up to now but this has really floored me. Yes, I'm being unreasonable - yes there's worse going on - but oh Lord, it broke me this morning. :(

I am so sorry

It was totally unnecessary to send that letter to you - I'd like to think that whoever printed it out or stuck it in the envelope would have had the common sense and decency to think, you know what, I'll just quietly shred this one and pretend I've posted it.

You are not being unreasonable at all.

Oh that must be so upsetting for you. I think there will be lots of situations like this as staff try to work and cover for each other and mistakes will be made. Sounds like you did the very best for your dad and he was lucky to have you fighting for him.

You're definitely not being unreasonable. It seems completely unnecessary and I would (and I expect many people would, regardless of other events) be upset by it.

Bonkers. Don't people who write these letters actually read them before sending ?
And the verdict -- words fail me. Hypothetically of course but how on earth would you even find a conventional nursing home willing to take him on with all his medical needs?
I'm so sorry for your loss. It sounds like you were a strong advocate for him in his life (and this letter sounds as if it would have been very 'appealable'. )

That's incredibly insensitive. They should have left it at he passed away, we are sorry for your loss x
I'd complain personally if only to prevent someone else getting a letter like that.
Sending love and strength x

Part of me would be tempted to respond and thank them for their letter and then ask the question: As Mr Pigeon is deceased since January - as notified to you and acknowledged in this letter - and has since been buried/cremated (delete as appropriate), would a conventional nursing home accept him in this condition?

I know it's crass but maybe it would make them stop and think about the error they've made and how insensitive it was for family to receive the letter.

Condolences for your loss OP

That's horrible, OP. I'm so sorry. I can only assume its some sort of oversight on their part, it seems so heartless otherwise.

Having said that, the whole CHC thing seems to be an exercise in heartlessness. My Dad died in a similar situation to yours, (advanced parkinsons with dementia, extra because I know how totally shit it is to witness a loved one with this condition) and it was so awful - he was dying because he had forgotten how to swallow, and they questioned his need for care! He died soon afterwards anyway, but dealing with the CHC people just added another level of pain to an already distressing situation.

So sorry for your loss 💐

We had the same happen after MIL died from cancer. She was bed bound for 18 months unable to walk, had her bowel removed and was incoherent for the last 6 months of her life. She actually got it awarded, granted the day before she died. Fuckers.

Thanks everyone. Good to know I'm not going mad, anyway.
It's a horrible thing to think that, in all likelihood, the process means that someone doesn't get paid if that letter isn't sent, regardless of how inappropriate it is... but I agree, the system does seem to be an exercise in heartlessness when you're on the receiving end of it.

I sometimes wonder how some organisations actually work when dealing with bereaved families.
We got a really snotty letter from HMRC demanding to know why my DH hadn't completed my late son's tax return ( after his death). Having lost our son in absolutely dreadful circumstances, his tax return wasn't exactly top of our list of priorities. Even when DH phoned them, they really didn't seem to understand why we hadn't realised we had to do this.
I am so sorry for your loss permanentlyexhaustedpigeon.