He's gone

[Cluckadoodledoo75]

Long time lurker and I need somewhere to just write.
I held my dads hand today as he passed away after a 3 year battle with dementia and brain damage, he was only 67.
I feel removed from reality, he's been 70 miles away in a secure unit for the past 3 years and it's been like a 3 year grieving process as he wasn't my dad anymore.
He passed away today in a hospital bed with us by his side and he looked liked my dad again this last 3 days as he was peaceful due to massive brain damage and sedation.
The fear and confusion wasn't there and it was like my old dad was back for a few days.
I don't know what to do, feel, how to process the last few years and watching him slip away so peacefully after such a hard journey, I feel empty

I'm so sorry OP
Xxx

I’m so sorry for your loss.

I am sorry . You are right the grieving process has started long ago .

No matter how you feel is ok , you will experience a wide range of emotions. Be kind get support in 3 d world too xx

I’m so sorry for your loss.

This must be so hard and I am so sorry for your loss.💐

My father died nine years ago suddenly aged 61. We never even said goodbye.I often wonder if that would have been harder, if I’d had that moment. I will never know.

However you grieve and have been grieving there is no right or wrong.
Death and the length of journey towards it is fraught with so much and it is often very complex and conflicting for those left behind.

I hope in the months to come you find comfort and clarity. Seeing him pass peacefully may help you, in time, to remember him the way he would want you to.

No wise words but sending you much love. One second at a time and be kind to yourself.

Hi There.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I have the funeral this week for the man who raised me. I think we just go a day at a time. People have been telling me to hold onto the good times of the past and how it is better to have loved and lost...I don't know if you find that comforting as I do.

Sending you peace and courage for the days and weeks ahead

I'm like a tit in a trance as my dad would say, don't know what to do with myself since I got back.
I need a shower and to wash my hair after 3 days of sleeping in a hospital chair but I don't want to wash my dad off 😞
I feel like he's on my skin and in my hair 😟 tidying my house feels like I'm erasing him, everything is how I left it when i got the call and went to the hospital
My birthday presents are still on the table as it was my birthday the day we got the call, my pj's I took off are still slung on my bed, i wanna freeze it all so tomorrow never starts without him

Oh cluck, I'm so sorry. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do, take what comfort you can.

You won't wash him off.
He will always be there in your heart, and in your head.
Do yourself a favour and try to sleep now - you know your dad would want you to.
It sounds like you had a very close bond.
I'm so sorry you had to go through this. Losing a parent is terribly difficult.

Oh bless you.

Did manage to get some sleep on the sofa, didn't want to go to bed for some reason, can't explain why.
I was sitting by his bedside this time yesterday watching his breathing slowing, I'm subconsciously clock watching this morning waiting for the exact time he passed to come and go, it feels like once it's been 24 hours it will feel more real which makes no sense what so ever.
I think I'm going to go for a walk after it's passed, breathe in the outside

I think in the early days that's what happens, lots of "this time yesterday.." sort of thoughts.
Are you with someone in real life?
We are all here x

I'm just with my teenage children as I'm single and my mums quite unwell too and I can't cope with the drama that brings right now.
Being alone is normal for me, I'm not very outgoing the past few years since dad became unwell, I found everyone quite draining as my brains been so full of coping with my sadness. I kind of withdrew from everyone else's lives as I felt like a downer on everyone else's happiness.
I'll probably hibernate for a while until I go back to work whenever that may be, I can't imagine anything worse right now than work. I work as a carer in a care home and I don't know how I'm going to cope with that 😞

So very sorry for your loss. 😢

I’m so sorry for your loss. Cherish the bond you had and your memories