How are you meant to celebrate a relatives birthday!

[GA2012]

My grandad only died 2 weeks ago.. he was buried a few days ago.

It’s his birthday this week. How are you meant to feel?

I was incredibly close to him. His birthday is the same week as other relatives and I went into the card shop to buy some birthday cards and nearly broke down that I didn’t have to buy him one anymore.

How are you meant to remember them?

This is the first time I’ve lost anyone close to me.

I intend to drive over and visit his grave.. maybe look at some photos but feel like it’s not enough. He left behind my grandmother so I’ll visit her too. Maybe buy her a gift?

Your idea about visiting her is the best thing you can do. She will be suffering even more (if that is possible) on that day. She will be so grateful that you have remembered it is his birthday and want to do something about it. Your grandad would want you to do that. It is a positive action by a loving granddaughter which will be such a comfort to her. You are a loving person and that is great.

In our family we cook the person's favourite meal on their birthday to remember them and talk about the good times. Really sorry for your loss

In my family we light a candle on lost loved ones birthdays, just a gesture of remembrance that seems to help us. I did once bake a small cake as well. There's no right way, just whatever feels right to you. Perhaps you could find a quiet spot and say aloud what you would have liked to say to him x

I always have a toast to my dad on his birthday, sometimes go for a meal to celebrate for him. It’s still very raw for you so that may feel hard to do but over the years I’ve found it helpful. His birthday will feel hard and that’s ok; some days you just have to get through.

I’d follow your Grandma’s lead. Offer to spend time with her or take her to the grave or take flowers there on her behalf.

Thank you. My grandad never really celebrated his birthday. It doesn’t feel right to have a drink for him because he never drank himself and neither do I! But I will
Visit my granny. I always visited them on Sunday mornings anyway! I would love to walk to his burial site which is a couple
Miles from his home as it’s a beautiful walk and he loved walking himself but with two kids in tow I don’t think they’ll appreciate it 😢

I will
Light a candle, talk about him and look at some photos too.

It still feels raw being only 2 weeks ago!

In my culture we celebrate the first birthday and the ending of the 2 week mourning period via a memorial of sorts with close family. Perhaps if your gran / parents are up to it you could arrange to host family. Having the grandchildren / great grandchildren around might help your gran.

For loved ones I have lost I always buy some flowers. They are chosen to be the type that person would like eg. Scented stocks for Dad etc

I have them in my house and think of them as Mums flowers.

I have no idea what day they died but I always think of them on their birthday and I find it comforting.