Missing MIL

[Flippetydip]

MIL died early January after a very short and unexpected illness. DH is doing amazingly well, was and is very sad but is now dealing with probate and has one brother who is behaving like a complete idiot (has put house on market already despite probate not being completed) and trying to do everything is a massive rush.

I'm trying to support DH as best I can through this but I'm just missing her so much. I am amazingly lucky in that I had a fantastic relationship with my DMIL - she treated me like a daughter and we had so much in common. I'm just so sad but don't want to keep being sad in front of DH as she was his mum, which trumps MIL any day of the week.

Not really sure what I wanted from this post, but just needed to air my feelings.

Poor you

I really miss my MIL too.
Obviously my DH misses her more than I ever could, but I loved her and wish she was still around.

I have found it a bit easier now that her estate is settled, all her things have been sorted. So I hope that is the same for you. Is your BIL usually like this? just wondering if possibly its his way of coping?

Thanks. Yes BIL is generally a bit of an idiot so not really surprised although it could also be his way of dealing with things I suppose.

Sorry for your loss @LowerLoxleyAmbridge
Sounds like you had a good relationship with your MIL it's only natural to feel upset.
Everyone deals with grief differently maybe that's your BIL way of coping.

@Flippetydip don't know if this helps but I kept a couple of things from mil that my dh and his brother wouldn't have kept but I really thought of as 'her' if that makes sense..... Like her jam spoons.... She liked a well set table 🙂 and I often use them when I want to include her.... They were out on her birthday for example. I also asked for a broach of hers I wear when I go out to things like ds's recitals and I feel like I'm taking her with me

Thats lovely Flippetydip
Most pisters on Mumsnet give out about their mil. She must have been a very special person.

@LowerLoxleyAmbridge - that's lovely. Yes, I have her recipe book and a ring of hers which I wear. DH likes the fact that I am wearing it too.

@beanaseireann - yes, she was a very special person - we miss her a great deal. Don't get me wrong, there were times she exasperated me, and I'm sure I did her, but in general I felt exceedingly lucky to have her as a MIL.

I also had a really lovely MIL who I miss all the time. She sadly passed away last May (we knew it was coming, she had an incurable form of cancer but it didn't make it any easier) when our baby daughter (her only grandchild) was 3.5 months old. She absolutely adored her and it breaks my heart she didn't get to see her grow up but i'm happy she at least got to meet her.

I don't think there's a right or wrong way to grieve and it will take time. I definitely think it's nice to have things around that remind you of her, to talk about her and keep traditions (if there were any) alive. If you feel you can't be upset in front of him maybe pop out to the shops and go for a walk or drive until the feelings pass over? I'm so sorry for your loss xxxx

Thank you @Mamabear88. We do keep saying we were so lucky that MIL got to see all 9 grandchildren (not all my DC!) through to reasonable ages - the youngest is 7 so really not too bad. I'm so sorry for you.

My wonderful MIL died yesterday and tonight i just feel overwhelmed with sadness at losing her. We were close and had a lovely relationship. Early days i know but I am devastated

@smartiecake I'm so sorry for your loss. It is really hard. How is your DH doing? We are still in slight disbelief that she can just be gone like that.

He is heartbroken and totally lost. Its just the worst thing to go through and i think we are just numb and can't quite take it in. I am just so so sad for the huge gap she will leave in our lives every day and everything she won't be here to see in the future, like her grandchildren growing up. I have said we just need to put one foot in front of the other every day, get up, go to bed and tick off another day and repeat repeat until it has sunk in.
I like the suggestions on this thread of using some of her things to keep her with us/me and I will certainly be doing this. @Flippitydip - thanks for the kind words