I am fed up with SIL ignoring my bereavement(s)

[Rainallnight]

My DM is dying in a hospice in another country. I am travelling there frequently at the moment. It’s very stressful and upsetting. My DF died just 16 months ago.

I got home from a visit there yesterday evening. DSIL and her son are staying with us for the weekend. DSIL still hasn’t asked how my trip was or how my mum is. And DP follows her lead and hasn’t brought it up ‘in company’ either. (Yes, I know I have a DP problem too).

She’s going through a divorce and is having a hard time herself but I am pissed off!

The backstory is that I didn’t feel her reaction to my DF’s death was great either. She was leaning on DP really heavily around the time my dad died, because of the breakup of her marriage, and I felt she was inappropriate in not recognising what I was going through (Eg ringing DP for long conversations about what was happening, at inappropriate junctures like the evening of the funeral).

If the shoe was on the other foot, I’d ask how she was and how her trip had gone.

But I’m from another country and the social norms around grief and dying are very different so I don’t know if my expectations are off or if she is genuinely being a dick.

I am seething.

I'd be tempted to bring it up myself. Doesn't it come up in conversation anyway? Dont you talk about what you have been doing recently?
They are being insensitive and it certainly isn't the social norm to ignore someone's grief.

Sorry but your focus on your SIL isn't appropriate. You have a DP problem, he doesn't support you or ask about your mum when you return. He supports his sister during her divorce when your father died. He is setting the tone on how your treated by his sister- so deal with him