What do I say at the funeral?

[DarwinLoves]

My dear dear grandfather died today, we were very close and I saw him every few days. He was in his 90s but it was a shock (but peaceful thankfully).

My lovely mum has asked if I'd say something at the funeral, a reading or words. I don't think anyone else will be able to.

I want to do him really proud but I honestly don't know where to start with this. Any help gratefully received!

I spoke at my grandad’s funeral, and I asked around for funny stories about him, so told a few of those, and I finished by reading a poem he liked. I think it’s nice to focus on celebrating a person’s life. Or if you think you won’t be able to get through something as personal as that, a reading might be easier. I hope the funeral goes smoothly

Thank you very much. I think if I prepare early enough I might be a lie to practice enough to maybe help me not get so emotional.

Hi Op. I’m so sorry for your loss.
Would it be helpful to think of childhood memories, things you did together, things he enjoyed, anything funny that would amuse the congregation? Perhaps a little journey through his life. Have a chat with your Mum and family.
Have your part written down so if you feel a bit emotional on the day you can hand it to the minister/celebrant, and they could read it as back up.
Please do look after yourself.💐

I's so sorry for your loss.
I assume someone else (minister etc) will be reading the rest of the eulogy, so make sure you know what is going to be said in that. They often go over his life, marriage, work, family etc etc. I agree that reading a poem he liked, or recalling a story he told you. A funny moment you had, or things you liked to do together. A memorable family event he enjoyed (pop really enjoyed Marjories 50th and it was a chance for everyone to be together). Ask your immediate family a they might want to add in something also. xxx

So sorry to hear of your loss, OP. I read this poem at my father's funeral. It's short, but makes the point.

If I Should Go - Joyce Grenfell

If I should go before the rest of you
Break not a flower nor inscribe a stone
Nor when I'm gone speak in a Sunday voice
But be the usual selves that I have known
Weep if you must
Parting is hell
But life goes on
So sing as well.

I have said this on other funeral threads but don’t forget a bottle of water, tissues, mints. If you can take time out at any time, do.
It’s a hard time as you are playing host to people at one of the most vulnerable times of your life. It’s fine to excuse yourself and take a few minutes. X

This is very helpful thank you. The funeral will be conducted by a Vicar as he was religious and a church goer so actually the Vicar will probably say quite a bit. It's maybe early to be trying to plan it, I just wanted it to be right.

When you have decided what to say, write it down. You don't have to read from your notes - in fact it's better not to - but if you find that you can't say it, the minister or celebrant can take over. Just knowing that you have a back-up plan will help you not need it IYSWIM.

I am sorry for your loss OP. It sounds as if he was a lovely grandfather. I did a reading at my darling Granny's funeral. I managed it because I felt it was important that family should speak. My mum and her brothers didn't feel able to so my cousin and I read at their request. I found it hard to grieve at the funeral, all my energy was going into holding it together until I had read.

So sorry for your loss OP. I spoke at my Grandad's funeral and talked about the part he's played in my life - memories, funny stories, things he used to say that stuck with me. I found it helped to write it all down. It made me sad, of course, but it was nice to think about all the happy times of had with him.

I had to give the eulogy at my grandmothers funeral. I gave a potted history of her life and then a few funny stories, her many advices and examples of kindness etc.
Don't worry about getting upset - you will be with people who loved them too. They will be willing you on.
At the right time there is a lot of joy to be had in celebrating how special they were to you.

I wrote a piece for my Dad's funeral (tomorrow) which summed up some memories of him and finished with a quote. I found it was better just to write from the heart and not think to much about what I said. No idea if it will be well received, ask me tomorrow.

Good luck missingmydad it will definite well received I'm sure. Thank you for the help.

Thank you all, this has been very helpful

Sorry for your loss.

I did the eulogy at my grandmothers funeral a few years ago, the vicar had it printed out in case I couldn’t go through with reading it.

It was difficult to do, but I’m glad I did it, as it was my farewell to my grandmother.

I think a family member doing a reading, or poem or eulogy is a wonderful thing to do at a funeral. But do what you feel comfortable with, not what others want you to do. It will be a very emotional day for you xxx

So very sad for your loss.

I always think the following is a beautiful funeral reading

The Ship

What is dying
I am standing on the seashore, a ship sails in the morning breeze and starts for the ocean.
She is an object of beauty and I stand watching her till at last she fades on the horizon and someone at my side says: "She is gone."
Gone!
Where
Gone from my sight that is all.
She is just as large in the masts, hull and spars as she was when I saw her, and just as able to bear her load of living freight to its destination.
The diminished size and total loss of sight is in me, not in her, and just at the moment when someone at my side says,
"She is gone"
there are others who are watching her coming, and other voices take up a glad shout:
"There she comes!"
and that is dying.

Bishop Brent

That's beautiful.

Just take some quiet time to think about what you would like to say about him.
My dh who isn't a public speaker gave a moving speech for his dad, all about how he encouraged each of his children and grandchildren to have a passion in life, whether it was music or trains or doctor who. And that expressed him perfectly.

Sorry for your loss. As long as what you say is heartfelt it’ll be well received. Try not to put too much pressure on yourself to get it perfect.
@missingmydad good luck tomorrow, sorry for your loss.

I wrote Eulogy for both my parents (when I say Eulogy neither of them wanted a this is your life type one - both believed if they didn’t know them by now they never would). It was not easy but I noted what people had said in their condolence cards. My dads consistently said he was a true gentleman and I used that to build upon. I also chose a poem for both...loads on the Internet. I couldn’t read at either funeral I would have been too emotional.
These are the 2 poems by name if you wanted to look them up:
Remember me
Fill not your hearts with pain and sorrow.