Caroline Flack opening old wounds

[twinnywinny14]

I lost my brother nearly 6yrs ago after he took his own life at the age of 34. We had no idea he was depressed or suicidal at all, although he had recently separated from his wife so we knew life was tough at that point. Looking back we now think he was suffering from bipolar, with the highs outweighing the lows which were not massively low to those on the outside at least. The news of Caroline Flack at the weekend has really shaken me up and I can’t stop thinking about my brother and what he must’ve been going through during the lead up to his death. He definitely intended to die so I know that much but I always felt it was a sudden snap decision rather than something he planned and thought about for a while beforehand (that may be naive in order to avoid thinking he suffered alone for a time). I’m not sure why I’m writing this but I just feel like I can’t stop thinking about him and what life was like for him as well as an enormous sense of guilt that we couldn’t do more. I have never felt anger just sadness that it had to be this way. I guess all the talk about Caroline and how awful life was for her isn’t making me feel any better about things really

Apologies for the ridiculously long and rambling message

I understand you completely. I lost my best friend to suicide and have been struggling these past few days. I think the problem when someone takes their own life is all the unanswered questions and the 'what ifs' that makes it all the harder to process. I am also finding myself increasingly cross with all the 'be kind' posts (although I know they do have their place!) my friend was ill and we were all aware and supported her as best we could but it's hard and I'm no way was any of us not kind - if only if was that simple.

@Missymoo99 I know what you mea re the be kind stuff, we were all incredibly kind and depression or mental illness to the point of suicide is not as simple as someone wasn’t kind to them

for your loss.

Lost my bil to suicide 18 months ago and feeling the same x

My childhood friend took his life not long before Caroline and I’ve found the news and the furore around it so hard. I sobbed my eyes out reading about her death. God it really affected me!

I’m sure it was a reaction to my friend. Like you said I kept thinking of her alone and feeling helpless then my friend feeling the same and it just - it hurts!

Lots of people were “kind” to my friend. But it didn’t stop him.

He planned it, too. Checked into a hotel to do it.

I’m so sorry for what you’re going through right now.

@twinnywinny14 please don't apologise your post wasn't rambling in the least. I've not been in your shoes so I won't pretend to know how you're feeling but I can imagine how horrendous it must be to have such pervasive press around suicide around you and can't begin to comprehend how devastating it must've been to lose your brother.

I would only say (without being a condescending arse) that you need to be kind to yourself at a time like this. You are not responsible for how your poor brother felt and I'm sure you would have done anything for him or to ease his pain if you could've done. It is an horrendously sad situation for you, and others who have been through similar, but you do not personally have anything to feel guilty about

@OhCaptain sorry that you are feeling similar it’s desperately hard

@Naiceandaslice thank you for your kind words, the rational part of me understands that I can carry no guilt and have no part to play but some time I wish it could have been different if only we had noticed something or asked him (although we had no clue anything was wrong)

I lost my sister at 24. It is so hard when these things crop up in the news as you can't help but go over stuff and replay things in your mind. I'm sorry you had to go through it too, take care of yourself x

@twinnywinny14 I think it's completely normal that you wish things could have been different, there will always been an element of "if only". Have you ever spoken to someone regarding your brother's death? I ask only because I have been seeing a therapist for the last six months regarding my Dad's difficult death and I am honestly a different person now.

I do wish you all the strength in the world to deal with how you are feeling [unmumsnetty hug x]

I'm feeling exactly the same. My uncle, who was only 32 took his life 3 years ago in June and this has brought it all back to me. I feel so desperately sad for her family & friends & what they are going through.

I also think because Caroline is a similar age to me & was someone I thought would be a great mate to have, she feels relatable & I feel so sad for her, thinking how she must have felt at the end.

If only people who take their life could see what happens after they've gone and the affect it has on their loved ones. I'd like to think it would make them stop but I also get that when you're in that horrible place, you're not thinking about anyone else, you just want to end your own pain.

RIP & sending thoughts to everyone affected by this.

i'm in this area of the forum as my dad died suddenly early January.. but Caroline Flack's death has also stirred up old wounds for me too, my son's father, who i was separated from, took his life 15 years ago when my son was just 2. the pain and the aftermath was hell on earth.

I understand the sentiments with the 'be kind' movement but its not that simple. I felt the same when i saw the move 'A Star is Born' - I didn't realise how it ended - i was so upset and annoyed at the movie, i thought it sensationalised suicide.

anyway, love and strength to anyone dealing with it

xx

Mumsbiscuits thank you for the heads up about A Star is Born. There are so many triggers I have to warn my family about.
I find Commonsensemedia is a good website.