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Bereavement

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How to support Hindu neighbour after death of his wife

4 replies

JonnyPocketRocket · 17/02/2020 12:03

We moved in to our house a few months ago. Next door live a Hindu family with 2 school-age DCs. Shortly after we moved in our neighbour mentioned that his wife had advanced stage cancer. Today he sent a text to let us know she has passed away.
Obviously we've replied to the text to express our condolences, but we're very British and also don't know the family well at all having only lived there a few months - I don't even know the DCs names.
What's an appropriate next response? Particularly taking into account that their beliefs are so different from ours. I think they have the support of one set of grandparents as we've seen them coming and going, but I don't know what their support is like otherwise.
Should we send a card? Take a meal round? (Presumably err on the side of caution and go vegan?) Take a voucher for Cook or similar? (Is that tacky? It feels tacky, but at least gives them some choice...)
DH and I are both very fortunate not to have had much experience of death and we want to be supportive without being interfering or doing something culturally insensitive. Advice is welcome...

OP posts:
Clangus00 · 17/02/2020 12:18

Send a card or white flowers avoid red.
You can send food, but nothing red.
www.burialplanning.com/resources/religious-funerals-guide/buddhist-funerals-guide/

JonnyPocketRocket · 17/02/2020 12:29

Thanks @Clangus00 The link you've provided refers to Buddhist death rites - do you know if Hindu practice is similar?

OP posts:
Settlersofcatan · 17/02/2020 12:36

Most Indian families will have huge amounts of food at a time like this. Traditionally you only eat very simple food for 11 days after a death and you don't really leave the house except for the funeral which is very quick.

Flowers or a card would be fine.

If they are doing the traditional rites at home before the crematorium, you could ask if there is any practical assistance that would be welcome- e.g allowing their visitors to park on your drive that day or lending chairs or similar

Clangus00 · 17/02/2020 12:54

Oh I’ve Googled the wrong thing. No idea what made me do that. Sorry.

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