Feel like it's my fault

[user1499113169]

My DH passed away recently. It was completely unexpected, he hadn't been ill, the only medical issues he had we were aware of. On the day he died I was meant to only be working in the afternoon but I chose to take overtime in the morning. When I left for work, early am, I left DH in bed asleep with no problems or concerns. Normally when I am on my lunch I find that I have a text from DH, on this day I didn't. I didn't have anything to tell him so I chose not to call or text him when I was on my lunch and went back to work with no concerns. Usually I only have 30 minutes for my lunch so don't go home, on this day I had 90 minutes for my lunch so had the option to go home and chose not to.

When I did go home I found DH clearly passed away and ever since I can't stop feeling like I am partly responsible for his death. If I hadn't taken overtime I would have been home and might have been able to save him or if I had tried to contact him on my lunch and got no response I could have gone home and even though it would have been to late to save him, he wouldn't have been alone for as long as he was.

My family and in laws have been incredibly supportive since DH died and I know that if I tell them the above they will tell me there's nothing I could have done, it's not my fault and not to think about the ' what ifs' but I can't stop myself from thinking about these things, especially when DD is in bed and I am alone, during the day I am able to keep myself busy to stop myself thinking these things.

How can I move past these feelings and support DD?

I am really sorry for your loss.

Of course it was not your fault. Sometimes life is just shit.

I don't have any wisdom to offer. The only thing I can think of right now is when you become aware that you are having that intrusive and completely untrue thought is to replace it with a positive memory of your DH. He would want you to think of him fondly, not to have unfounded guilt.

Virtual hugs.

I'm so very sorry for your loss. Sending love to you.

Guilt seems to be a pretty common, normal stage of grief, in my experience. My mum died a couple of years ago, also unexpectedly, and I did have a huge feeling of guilt for a while, which the rational side of me knew I should not feel as I had nothing to feel guilty for. It did pass, I'm happy to say. I'm sure your feelings of guilt will pass, too. Xx

Sorry for your loss.
I can relate to your feelings. Grief does affect the way we deal with things.
Its not your fault I'm sure your dh wouldn't want to to feel like this. Have you thought about counselling?

So sorry for your loss. I agree with the others, guilt seems to be part of the process of loss and grieving. You have no reason to feel guilty. None at all.

I’m so sorry for your loss. Was there a post mortem which gave a clear cause of death?

My son recently died unexpectedly at home and I found him. My husband and I have had a lot of guilt and thoughts of how we should have checked on him and we might have been able to save him. We have been told by doctors that there was nothing we could have done and no way of knowing as he was healthy and there were no signs. It doesn’t stop me thinking that if I had have gone in at a certain point I could’ve called an ambulance and saved him. Sometimes these thoughts are worse and sometimes better. Looking at the facts seems to help us. You can’t stay with someone at all times checking on them, especially when there was no indication that there was anything wrong. Counselling may be worth considering at some point. I’m not ready yet but will think about it at some point.