Grief bereavement feelings

[85notout]

My father died this week.
I've been ok, I've been crying, I've been stressed with the children which is unforgivable, I've been angry, I've been happy. I feel guilty about being happy and stressed. I managed a job interview yesterday and it was like normal as if he hadn't just died. I shouldn't have been able to do an interview two days after should I? Am I an insensitive bitch because I could ?

It is of course totally forgivable to be stressed around the kids and to be able to manage work tasks on some kind of autopilot. You are in shock. Please be very kind to yourself.

And the guilt is totally normal also.

Thank you. I got the job but I should have been in pieces not able to be happy and smiling at an interview.
I had a row with the children (teenagers/20s) about what to have for dinner as they were wanting to know what to have when I was sorting through years of photos for the order of service. In the end the eldest drove to the supermarket for pizzas.

Agree you are in shock. It will come don't worry. It will come and go in waves and hit you when you least expect it. I'm sorry for your loss.

I have no dp and dad was long divorced from mum. I don't have any support and it's shit.

I kept going til the funeral plus a week. Then I unravelled somewhat

I had a bit of an unravel tonight over the funeral arrangements. It's so hard.

It really is tough and I think just acknowleging that helps. Planning a funeral is hard, let alone doing it on your own. How are you doing?

Sorry about your dad
Try not to feel guilty about any feelings you have. Not everyone experiences deep grieving for every person and obviously it depends on your relationship too. Regardless of that, getting through until the funeral is difficult as you have to be really practical if you are organising it. Be kind to yourself.

Tbh I felt 'normal' after both my parents died. My dad was abusive and my mum was incredibly frail and elderly and wanted to go. I sometimes wonder if my colleagues think I'm a bit cold, but they know me and my situation fairly well so I don't think they do.
I've recently organised a funeral. Do you have a list of tasks to do? Also the order of service you can do online now, adding your own photos etc. Much easier than sending off ideas to a printer for them to have to keep tweaking it.

I lost my adored dad in September. It was long-expected and a release for him in the end.
I miss him hugely, but grief presents itself in so many different ways, even for the one person. It doesn't necessarily mean sitting in a dark room wailing and beating your breast.
There are times when i just feel, "meh," others when I cry, some times when I just want to be alone, and others when I fly off the handle at something minor that is seemingly unrelated. And I have carried on normal life at the same time too, interacting with friends and colleagues as usual, and yes, laughing too.
I read an apt (for me) meme not long ago, which was:
"Grief is really just love. It's all the love you want to give, but cannot. All of that unspent love gathers in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat and in the hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go."
That totally sums up how I feel when I'm missing my dad. I so want to speak to him, or hug him and he's just not here.

I'm totally with you OP, I lost my daughter last month. I often put a block on my feelings so probably to the outside person who doesn't know me they wouldn't think anything was wrong just like your interview.

@CallmeAngelina lovely quote

@millettmum

I had a cup of tea out this morning and somebody commented about how they couldn't drink tea like that, I flew off the handle and lost my temper with them

@85notout

Yes small things get me, a simple thing like signing a card made me snap at my mum as I would normally be writing my daughters name as well, ended up not doing it.

I can't cope tonight I just want him here.

I've been trying to block thoughts and distract myself, probably not healthy though. Watched lots of box sets x

How are things now?

I went back to work on Wednesday, first day was a bit overwhelming but getting back into it, I haven't actually been since end of September as I was caring for my daughter. Keeping busy helps, there's only so much tv I can watch. Crying is still a daily occurrence. Small things all the time will remind me of her, she should be here she didn't deserve this, I miss her so much. I've been thinking of bereavement counselling, I might enquire with some of the charities that helped her. Had my 20 week scan on Wednesday as well, found out we're having a girl, my daughter had picked a name for a girl before she died, thats what is getting me through.

How are you coping?

I hope that work is helping you.
I start a new job today

It's definitely a distraction. Hope all goes well for you x

I feel the same, my DC’s DF died just after Christmas and I feel so guilty when me and the DC are happy, although I know we can’t spend our lives grieving for him. I’ve found it’s best to distract myself and push away any negative feelings when we’re all happy as I know he’d have wanted us to carry on

@85notout how is the new job going? I started some counselling last night x