Thank you all. His name is Zain.
The cecilia ahern quote is beautiful and strikes a chord with me too. Thank you for sharing it with me and I’m so sorry for you loss too.
@ParkheadParadise I’m also so sorry for your loss.
When he came out I was scared to see him but when our amazing midwife asked me if I wanted to hold the baby I said yes immediately. My husband was hesitant - and I don’t blame him- but there was never any doubt we wouldn’t hold him.
It was all so sudden, I was already in hospital as I’d had minor contractions the day before but they’d gone away for 12 hours. I was Given paracetamol and codeine for the pain but once 6pm hit, the pain just built and built. I’ll never forget the look on the midwives faces. Concern, shock sadness. One of the midwives id seen a few times that week, kelly, was the one who alerted the doctor then tried to get an IV in me as they were worried about severe blood loss (I’d been gushing blood earlier that week) but I was in too much pain and she couldn’t find a vein. She was loud and no none sense all week but started talking to me like I was a child. All kind and gentle. She explained I’d be taken into the other room and I was so deep in denial I asked her why, which room. The labour room she replied.
They rushed me to the labour room and checked my cervix and did a scan of Zain minutes before he was born and my cervix was long and closed and Zain/placenta amniotic fluid were all ok. So right up until he was born the doctor said it could go either way. That the contractions could pass or I’d give birth to my baby.
I feel like I’ve been hit by a bus. Both my husband and I feel lost, numb and are in shock.
We have a bereavement midwife who has been amazing. We’re going to ask her if she can recommend someOne for us to talk to.
If anyone is comfortable to share their experience, I would be grateful. Our families have been amazing but no one understands. I’ve had comments like ‘zack’ will be ok. Everything happens for a reason- I asked them what this shitty reason was that I had to watch my son die even though he was perfectly healthy. Oh and the best one, I’m so sorry for your loss, I’ll pray for
You and please pray for me as I want a child too (someone who wants a child but hasn’t started trying yet). I told her she was a selfish horrible person for asking that of me when I’d lost my child the day before.