Losing a parent young

[SheldonSaysSo1]

A few weeks ago we lost our Dad, he was just 50 years old. He was diagnosed with a rare and aggressive type of cancer 13 days before he passed away. It's been tough losing someone who would have given anything to live but I was honoured to be able to spend his final moments with him. I can't see how you even begin to process this

I'm so sorry for your loss. There is never a right or wrong way to grieve, as everyones circumstances and situations are different. How old are you OP? Do you have children?

I lost my father when he was 47yr from a sudden heart attack. (I was 15, brother was 11). He never smoked, didn't drink and was fairly fit! There are stages of grieving and getting a book might be beneficial (esp if children are involved and you need to explain to them), or even speaking to a canceller if you feel like it.

I dealt with it (and other losses in my life) by looking at the positives. In my case, my father wasn't left lingering in a nursing home which is something he couldn't have coped with. It hadn't been a terrible accident like a car crash etc. Do you have other family to support you?

I lost my dad at 14 .. 41 years ago. You don't get over it, you simply learn to live with it... I think about him at some point every day.

Hi Sheldon
One of the most helpful things anyone said to me after my dad passed was “it’s just shit, isn’t it”. Perhaps it’s just I felt she really understood and that was better than flowery words!

I appreciate 50 is far too young and the impact will be different. However, nearly 18 months on, I will say it gets better, or at least it has for me.

In terms of beginning to process it, I don’t know exactly how it happened but I was having to look after my mum, who was 80 and in poor health and never even paid a bill on her own. So that was weird and busy. I had to confine tears to the odd couple of hours when I went back to check on my flat, but maybe that was a good thing.

Do you want to tell us about him? Or say anything at all, really. We’re listening.

I know what you mean about wanting to live. Dad thought he’d be that 95 year old still going to football matches and what not.

Thank you for all your responses, sorry I've taken a while to come back it makes me emotional just reading your replies.

To answer some questions I'm 21 and have a younger sibling. Family support is tricky as everyone is dealing with their own grief. I think the saying "its just shit, isn't it" is a great summary of everything that happened.

The toughest thing to come to terms with is his desperation for us to help him and there was nothing we could do. He was scared of dying and so angry with life.

I'm so sorry. My dad died at 51 and I was 15. It is awful, it is unbearable, it is unfair. But time helps.
You are so young still and it's not right to have lost a parent already.
I lost my mum 2 years ago and that was awful too but at she did have a long full life.
It makes me feel very sorry for my kids that they will go through this one day, hopefully not for a long time.
Be easy on yourself, look for help if it is available and give yourself time.