Hate the person grief is turning me into

[permanentlyexhaustedpigeon]

My father died on Thursday after a long illness and I seem to have turned into a monster..
Friday was spent calling all of Dad's family and friends to let them know; its slightly complicated in that Dad died in a different location to where the funeral will be. DH has been amazing and is able to carry on all of 'normal life' without blinking; people are ignoring the impact on him pretty much, and DD (who didn't have much of a relationship with my dad - for most of her life he has had an aggressive type of dementia and she didn't know the 'real' him) seems to be content to vegetate on the sofa watching TV all day.
I have to wait until Monday to find out where the death certificate is and to go across country to register the death which I'm not relishing.

And as a result - I hope - of all of this, I have turned from a reasonable person (ish) into a snappy harridan. I've really tried to be kind to people, remind myself that DD is also (maybe - though she doesn't show it) grieving and give her a break, but I've yelled at her twice today for being lazy, commented on her weight (which is in the Never Do This list), shrieked at DH, and generally feel like some sort of doppelganger has taken over.

I really hate this so much and I know I must be impossible to live with right now. Short of giving myself a slap and telling myself to snap the hell out of it (keep doing that - it doesn't work) - what on earth can I do?

I think that's just grief @permanentlyexhaustedpigeon
Do you have any siblings to talk to?
I know when my dd died I went completely bonkers one day and tossed my 2 sister's out the house. They left and came back the next day and I did apologise.
It's hard when you need to organize a funeral and also deal with your grief.

This happened to me but over the space of a few months. I ended up seeing a grief counsellor. She was brilliant. She said that grief can be so overwhelming that it can be useful to say to yourself that you can have an hour off of grieving - to read, hug your kids, have a bath.... whatever... It sounds so obvious but really you are consumed with feeling all the time, organising, keeping normal life going. Nothing is normal. It’s hard but it gradually gets easier, cliche yes but it’s so true.

I’m sorry about your fathers death.

The pain will recede and you will be happy and calm again. X

First of all, so sorry for your loss, permanently

Because you dear dad had a long illness, you possibly had time for pre-grieving, so others are less emotionally prepared, though none of this really prepares one for the immediacy of dealing with the aftermath of death, particularly at long distance.

Objectively, you're one who's suffering, he's your dad and your DD didn't know him, so give yourself break. You say that the effects on your DH aren't acknowledged, Have these affected you?

Looking back at the time immediately after my DH's sudden death, I was definitely snappy, though happy to say the arsehole funeral director bore the brunt of my ire.:o

Many

Would it make life simpler if you registered his death by declaration locally to you? It can make it a bit slower to get copies of the death certificate (as the details would be passed back to the district where your father died for registration and certificate issue) but might be worth considering if the journey feels too much?

I so am sorry for your loss.
Please don't be so hard on yourself you haven't changed into a different person in a few days.
You are in the first throes of grief.
Lean on your DH to get through the practicalities and then you can lean on each other to get through the weeks and months ahead.

This is all so new and raw. It's also completely understandable. The period between a death and a funeral is a complete twilight zone of misery.

It's worth being totally honest with those close to you, saying you're completely off kilter at the moment and stressed, so if you come across as snappy and restless, it's not personal, you just have a lot on your plate right now.

Hang on in there op, this all sounds normal to me, try and cut yourself some slack. 💐

Nobody will notice this beyond thinking that you're having a really crappy time and are in the first stages of grief. Snap all you want it won't be permanent.

Thanks everyone. I'm an only child so while people are being great at helping with practical stuff, there's quite a lot where I'm the only person who can do anything, which doesn't help much.

Found out today that the case has gone to the coroner - I think Dad's medical centre might get my ire with both barrels if they tell me one more time that they can't speak to me because I'm not a patient!

It doesn't help much that there's so much waiting around - I'm OK if I'm getting on with something but hate not knowing what's going on.