This Christmas and New Year has been so hard.

[Cranachan]

I lost my lovely Mum in Feb 2019. I'm an only child and my Dad is quite elderly but independent. I have 2 young children of my own and I sort of feel like it's just hitting me now how hard this year has been. I feel so isolated a lot of the time, I don't really have anyone I can talk to about how much I miss her, and how angry I am sometimes that she's gone. This first Christmas without her was awful and something I got through purely for the sake of the children - I just wanted to pretend it wasn't happening if I'm honest. Is it normal to feel all this do you think?

Yes it is my love. This was my second Christmas without my parents and in some ways harder than the first. It just takes time. If you think about it...you have loved that person all of your life..they GAVE you your life...so it should follow that it takes a long time before it feels better. But it will..that horrible feeling of grief that sits in your chest does fade. It’s replaced by sadness of course but it’s a sadness you can bear. And slowly you realise each day gets a tiny bit easier and when you talk about her it will be with a little less sadness.

Thank you MrsGrindah. I'm sorry for your losses . Everything you've said makes sense, I just feel lost at the moment.

Yes I get that feeling. And some days it just hits me hard and I have to cry. But I can feel myself getting stronger. I also remind myself that I’m not alone...grief comes to everyone at sometime.

Yes it's normal to feel that. I lost my dd 4yrs ago, my mum 2yrs ago.
This year for some reason it was extra hard. I cried the whole of December. Dd2(4) was the one reason to get through it.

I am so very sorry op, l haven't yet experienced this but Hugs for you and your children.

Sorry for your loss Cranachan... MrsGrindah, you're right - that god-awful feeling in your chest, like an ache that 'lives' there now... Lost my dad in September and am really 'struggling' without him, so this Christmas has been so so tough... I have to believe that it gets easier... Sorry for your loss x

Thank you everyone for taking the time to reply.
MrsGrindah I can really identify with the need to just have a cry. It comes in waves doesn't it?
ParkheadParadise I'm so sorry you lost your dd and your Mum. I dreaded Christmas this year and was upset, distracted and tearful for weeks beforehand. I can only imagine how you felt this December.
Dragongirl10, thank you for your kind reply.

Mother87 thank you. I'm sorry for your loss too. The pain in the chest is awful; sometimes it hits me and I'm shocked to realise it's been a few days since it was there. Baby steps.
I think there's so much expectation around Christmas too, isn't there?

I am so sorry to hear of everyone's pain and loss. I find when l have that pain in the chest and throat , if l cry loudly and let it out it doesn't physically hurt so much. It still kills emotionally but the pain in your jaw and throat eases.

I found the third Xmas the worst because all the sympathy had dried up by then and friends and most family had forgotten/
Moved on , you do get through this my darling I promise
things that helped me where talking about your feeling (Samaritans if you want to be anonymous)
Writing letters to her for first year I bought and wrote long flowery words in birthday mother’s day cards and put them on mantle piece, I visited a medium which I only 70% believe in but I treated it like grief counselling ( which I also had but didn’t enjoy)
Exercise and taking good care of yourself is what you mum would want you to do. I used to take my children out to nice places as I felt my mums sprit would come too and she’s have nice day out rather than watch me cry in my bedroom
Thinking of you and wishing you peace

I lost my dad four years ago and this Christmas was sadder than last. Unsure why.

November parent bereavement here and this was a hard Christmas but a worse NYE. I literally sobbed for no apparent reason at random moments.

For me it was because I wasn’t with my siblings - Xmas was hard but was with them. NYE was with friends and so much harder, the loss was magnified.

It’s over for another 12 months and hoping to make good memories in the upcoming months to soften the blow of the last weeks. X

So sorry, reading this really brought back memories of losing my DM too. My experience is that the grief doesn’t go away but you get more used to their absence and the grief feels more manageable somehow - just part of you. I remember being in complete despair the first year, now it’s waves of despair here and there but I can think of her a lot and really enjoy talking about her and sharing memories with the kids. The first year is a blur, go easy on yourself. xx