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Original poster

My Dad died yesterday - heartbroken

17 replies

VLCos · 31/12/2019 04:28

Its 4am and I have woken up sobbing .

My lovely dad died yesterday suddenly, he was 66 .

He had a coughing fit and couldnt breathe and just died .

I feel so desperately sad.

My mum is all alone wouldn't let us stay . They were married for over 50 years .

OP posts:
Lilamani · 31/12/2019 05:03

VLCos, I am so, so sorry to hear that. My dad died very suddenly too and I know how devastating it is. Do you have anyone with you?

Pixxie7 · 31/12/2019 05:07

So sorry for loss💐

Original poster
VLCos · 31/12/2019 05:09

@Lilamani Hi , I am so sorry to hear about your dad . Does it get easier?

My DD7 has chicken pox and my dh is in with her as she was unsettled . My DS 5 is fast asleep .

I don't want to wake anyone . But I am ok , not all alone .

Grief hits you like a brick wall .

I just wish I could hug him one more time. I saw him at a family party a few days ago . He was so happy I hugged him so quickly when I left . I wish I could go back to that moment x

OP posts:
BrunoLovesMe · 31/12/2019 05:09

Sorry for your loss. Flowers

Lilamani · 31/12/2019 05:22

VLCos, at that time it felt like it would never get easier. Now five years on, that feeling of missing him is always there, but it's not the crushing misery it used to be all the time.

Someone had told me that grief comes in waves. In the early days I felt like I was drowning in it all the time. Now most days are fine. I do have hours or days when it all hits me again, but it's easier to come out of it. I do still miss my dad with all my heart and I always will.

I hope your DD recovers soon from her chicken pox. Sending you a hand-hold for the days ahead.

Original poster
VLCos · 31/12/2019 05:37

Thank you all x

OP posts:
Funkyslippers · 31/12/2019 08:34

VLCos - so sorry to hear this. My darling dad died on Christmas Eve, quite suddenly too. He was quite a bit older than yours but in pretty good health. I'm struggling to take it in. What's making it hard is that I feel something could have been done to prevent it in the hospital. He was getting better. It doesn't make sense.

Sending hugs to you. It will all seem unreal for a while, as it still does with me. I'm just trying to remember the good times. Do you have people you can talk to? You can PM me any time. Not sure how much help I'll be as it's still v early days for me too x

Original poster
VLCos · 31/12/2019 08:59

@Funkyslippers I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your Dad Flowers

My mum is blaming herself , she cut the ambulance of when they were giving her instructions to do CPR and she felt like she was to slow and if she had been quicker he would still be here .

I dont think that's the case I think it was instant .

He just starting coughing couldnt breath and collapsed in a few minutes.

A few minutes previous he had wrote out his shopping list for the day .

It was that quick .

It's like a bad dream really.

Not a lovely Christmas for you either. Xxx DM me anytime

OP posts:
winesolveseverything · 31/12/2019 10:29

VLCos - Thanks and hugs...

I'm so very sorry.. My dad died suddenly at 66 also. He had driven to his office for work and literally dropped dead outside his office building. He had been absolutely fine the day before, running around with my 3 year old.

I remember feeling absolutely numb..

It's 6 years ago now and I've been through so many waves of different emotions in the time since.

Be kind to yourself. Take it a day at a time. There are some books that help to explain to young children. Your local library will probably have some. Ours keep them in the section 'books on prescription'... Badgers parting gift was one- although a bit hard to read through the tears...

The hardest thing was trying to explain why he had simply disappeared. It wasn't as though he had been ill in hospital. One thing my son did was draw a beautiful picture and we 'posted' it to the stars on a balloon.

Here if you want to talk or pm...
Thinking of you and your family x

Original poster
VLCos · 31/12/2019 17:26

@winesolveseverything thank you for your lovely message . 66 is no age is it . Sorry you had to go on this journey to . Flowers

My 5 year really doesn't understand what is going on so books might be a good idea. My 7 year old is heartbroken

The just disappearing is so true , so suddenly no time to say I love you . No time to say thank you , no time to say goodbye till we meet again

If I had know I would have hugged him tigher , rang him more and been a better daughter. It's to late now but I wont make the same mistake with my mum .

Sending you love xx

OP posts:
Imnotaslimjim · 31/12/2019 17:30

VLCos. I'm sure you were absolutely the daughter he needed and loved. I'm so sorry he was taken from you so quickly. It's so hard to assimilate the idea that he's gone when the last time you saw him he was so well.

The first few days/weeks are horrific, everything needing to be sorted and no mental space to deal with it all. Make sure you have someone to lean on, especially if others are taking support from you. Flowers

DiaryofWimpyMumm · 31/12/2019 17:32

So sorry for your loss.

Original poster
VLCos · 31/12/2019 20:01

@DiaryofWimpyMumm thank you xx

@imnotaslimjim thank you I have an amazing partner who has unfortunately lost both his parents and is there for me .

My dad has had to travel miles in a van for a CT to try and gain explanation of his death. I know he would hate that , he hated travelling! But soon he will be at peace ! Xx

OP posts:
Justaboy · 31/12/2019 21:09

So sorry for you VLCos and as you say no real age at all but do try your best to convince your mum that was nothing she could do or would have been able to do, this does seem a very severe event and altough we see people being bought back from the dead on TV shows it rarely happens as some of our mob will tell you who deal with this on a daily basis.

I know its no consolation at all but after seeing some many on my ex wife's side who spent years in hospices wasting away, abroad mind, it sometimes is a blessing not to suffer but horrendous for the ones left behind espically the children my first wife took her own life after a serious depression edisode and left me with a 7 Y/O daughter to bring up on my own and i just told her its what can just happen sometimes were here and then not, she took it all in has been a rock over the years bless her!

Sad to say a business friend passed away this month he was alright on the first of the month and two weeks later a very agressive cancer saw him leave us he seemed bomb proof!, and so much larger than life and its very difficuelt to think he's no more. He was 8 years younger then me poor soul.

Time will help as it always does, greive for him as you will and just hug your children that little bit tighter tonight will you please?

Thank you..

Louise91417 · 31/12/2019 21:16

So sorry for your loss. You obviously loved your dad very much, when grief gets too much remember how much your dad loved you and what he would say to you to help you through. This is what i do when i still get a rush of grief missing my dad. It will get easier and you will, sometime in the future, remember your dad with a smile without the tears.Flowers

Original poster
VLCos · 31/12/2019 21:49

@justaboy thank you for your kind words.
I am trying to convince her , the ambulance came in 2 minutes I'm sure if there were signs of life they would have tried to save him.

The thing that bothers me most is the panic and terror he must have felt in those 10 minutes before he died.

You daughter sounds amazing . My children are keeping me going .

Sorry to hear about your friend Flowers

@Louise91417 such lovely words. He would be so upset to see us all like this.

I hope one day I can think of the good times and smile.

OP posts:
Funkyslippers · 02/01/2020 10:12

VLCos - I've pm'd you

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