My MIL has died unexpectedly and I'm in bits.

[BastardGoDarkly]

And yet we had such a strange relationship. Not bad, (although once I didnt see her for 3 months, she was so vile at that point)
But I'm so gutted shes gone.

Shes been my MIL for 20.years, and as difficult as she was (she'd leave some MN MIL threads standing)
She loved me, I know she did, and I loved her.

I’m sorry

Dh is still at the hospital I think. Or back with FIL.
Our kids are finally asleep after being very upset.

It's weird, because I sent her a text in hospital (she had a virus) tonight at 10, saying I was having my last coffee with some of the whisky she bought me for Christmas in ir, it was lovely, and I hope she slept well tonight.

The hospital called at midnightish to say shed had a massive heart attack.

I wonder if she read my message?

I'm so sorry.

that's a beautiful text you sent her, so warm and appreciative, and celebratory, like a hand reaching out to shake hers, and say, cheers!

it is of course such a shock. whatever the circumstances.
cling to each other, your little family, and kiss each other, and live as well and as fully as you can, and celebrate each other, in honour of her. sorry if this sounds crass. difficult to explain what I mean.

I'm so sorry Bastard Believe me, I know exactly how you feel. I lost my maddening, exasperating, annoying, mad-as-box-of-frogs MIL a few years ago. I loved her despite her foibles & I still miss her.

I’m so sorry

Ah thanks folks. Dh is home, and although neither of us can sleep, weve had a cry and are just sitting in bed now.

Aunt went home with FIL we'll ho over in the morning.

I dont know what he'll do without her, though she drove him mad. Hes not in good health, and I can see him going to pieces.

I guess time will tell.

Thanks for the kind words x

Sorry to hear that
It is lovely to hear an acknowledgement that relationships do not have to be perfect to be valuable. I hope that she saw your text. x

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss

It's very strange as my dm and dgm never really seen eye to eye but when my dgm was dying my dm was with her every step. You could see the love and kindness between the two of them.
It really was special to witness.
It really shows how you became true family 💖
I hope you all take time to grieve and look after yourselves.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I'm sorry for your loss. Sometimes it's harder to grieve a complicated not-always-nice relationship than it is an always wonderful one

Thanks all.

Just got back from FILs. Hes understandably in pieces.

Less understandable is the wider family, bybthat I mean his other son and daughter, not even phoning him today.

I must admit i struggle with the whole dynamic of his side, my family are so close and wouldn't be leaving my mums side for days.

I guess we're all different, but it was really difficult to leave him sitting in the house alone today

OP
That’s really hard. Carrying my FIL slippers and dressing gown back into his house, knowing he was dead was one of the saddest moments of my life.
I think if you are all lucky, with in laws the love creeps up on you. All that shared history and raising the children/grandchildren forms bonds over time.
I sat one day with my dying FIL when the rest of the family had gone home to change and wash. He held my hand and didn’t want me to leave and I realised how much we had grown to love one another after a bit of a bumpy start when he made it clear to DH that he preferred DH’s ex girlfriend.
My MIL is a tricky old stick and we had a lot of drama in the early days when my DC were small (criticising BF, buying dummies, sweets, cola, the usual). Now though she’s in her 80s. She trusts me to look out for her and I know that she loves me.

Take care of yourself

Im so sorry for your loss . Its so lovely that you are looking out for your father in law like this

I'm so very sorry lass.

May she rest in peace