How to plan a wedding with no mum.

[27andcounting]

My DP proposed to me in August 19' and I've really wanted to get excited about planning the perfect wedding, but honestly it's been a real struggle me for me. I lost my mum April 18' and just can't imagine going through all this without her.
I went to look at dresses for the first time today and just felt so alone because all my friends have other lives and I don't want to put them out nor do I want to be the one who keeps going on about losing a parent, but just because I don't mention doesn't mean that it still isn't hurting.
How do I get through this? Any helpful advice would be much appreciated.

Would your DPs Mum help you ? Do either of you have sisters ?
Any way MN loves a wedding, so I'm sure tons of people will be there to help you x
Sorry I need to go to bed now, but I'll catch up with you tomorrow x

I’m so sorry you are going through this. I lost my dad this year so can understand the feeling of utter loss but can’t imagine how hard this must be without your mum. I’m sure your friends would support you through this, have you asked? They may not offer as they may not want to intrude/don’t know how to ask. I helped a friend choose her wedding dress as her mum lived in another country and it was a privilege to do so. Just take your time and remember you are still grieving. There will always be people willing to help here.

@Redshoeblueshoe she might when we further into the planning but she doesn't seem to be very interested in it all. I don't even know where to begin. And I have a sister but she has a daughter and little free time so I'd hate to take up what precious time she has with her toddler.

@Cakewineorgin when we first got engaged they said they'd help. But my closest and dearest friend has just found she is pregnant which is incredible but rightly so that has become her priority which has kind of meant I don't have her by my side. And my other close friend doesn't live local to me.

I hate to think I'm putting people out and they've all got their own lives and I just struggled to move forward after the loss.

It's really hard isn't it. Been there.
Whereabouts are you in the country OP? Honestly, I bet loads of us would queue up to volunteer to come with you.

Absolutely Nom.

I had to do this, fortunately not because of bereavement (just cos my Mum couldn't care less).
I think to be honest your friend who said they would help but now isnt because of finding out she is pregnant is a bit of a twunt. Why cant she sit in a dress shop? Mooch round a wedding fair? OR have you decided she has other things to concentrate on and havent asked her?

Have you asked your friend and/or your sister whether they would come with you OP? If you haven’t, I really think you should. They may have been waiting for you to ask and jump at the opportunity to join you. In their shoes I certainly would, and especially so as I knew that you were having to do everything without your mum.
Unless there are major problems pregnancy or distance shouldn’t render anyone incapable of helping a friend plan a wedding and choose a wedding dress, and neither should having a child prevent your sister.
I don’t mean to be unkind at all but I think you are putting their perceived needs before your own - you are not planning a tea party and shopping for any old dress here, it’s your wedding and your wedding dress
That said, nowadays I don’t think it’s that unusual for brides to do an initial trawl of bridal shops on their own first to try and work out what style of dress they are looking for and then go back to two or three with mums and/or trusted friends to get opinions on dresses they really liked first time round.
If you really feel that you don’t want to burden anyone by asking them to come with you my only advice would be to choose the shops you visit carefully and don’t be afraid to leave those you don’t like without trying anything on. Read the reviews first. My sister didn’t, and we wasted so much time. Some of the shops were dreadful and gave the impression that they didn’t care what she bought as long as she bought something. With hindsight these were the shops we should have just walked out of. At the other extreme there were others that were truly outstanding in terms of the welcome, help and advice they offered. These are the shops you need to focus on - if you are not shy about telling them that you wish you still had your mum to share the experience with I am sure they will do everything they can to make the experience as pleasurable as it can be.

Sincere condolences over the loss of your mum.

Another vote for MNet, if you feel like allowing folks here to help you. Mnetters have been involved in several weddings over the years, from being witnesses, to providing advice and even making a wedding dress, in a crisis!

I found MN invaluable when I realised that I was losing my own mum to early onset dementia. Nothing can replace your own mum of course, but there are a lot of spare mums here with endless wisdom, humour and good advice, who will happily lend you an hour or two. If you can't take one of us with you dress hunting (and I would certainly find time for you, if you are local to me!) you can take your phone with you and give us a few wedding dresses to drool over/give multiple, conflicting and maybe even helpful comments over!

Make sure that you do what you want for your big day, but maybe have a photo of her with you/beside you as you get married. Build her into the day, if you can - you could wear a piece of her jewellery, have one of her favourite songs in the ceremony/at the reception?

HTH. And congratulations on your forthcoming wedding. Hope that you can make it a special day for you both (with a little help from MN if that is what you want!)