Miscarriage 4 years on.

[cleaning247]

I had a miscarriage more than 4 years ago. Twin pregnancy (lost one). I was always very grateful and happy to have a baby when I thought I had lost it. (I didn't know I was expecting twins)

Suddenly in the last month or so I've been thinking about it a lot. I'm feeling quite sad about it. Has anyone else had this...ie coped fine at the time and then later grieved? I feel stupid discussing it with anyone.

Hello OP. Yes, I could have written your first paragraph, the same thing happened to me except that the baby who was safely born is now a teenager. I was also so very thankful at the time to have one healthy baby with me. However in the years since I have grieved for that lost twin. It's difficult because I have a wonderful DD so don't feel I have anything to complain about, but then loss is loss, it's still there. I feel a bit envious of those who have three children as lost twin would have been our third child.
So yes, everything you have written (apart from how long ago it was) is true for me too.

I had an early scan as I had a bleed and found out I was having twins. Unfortunately at 12 weeks only one had a heartbeat. The other is now a very energetic 6 year old.
I don't think I ever properly grieved the miscarriage as it didn't feel like a "proper" one - as I was still pregnant, and had a baby. I didn't feel i had the right to grieve IYSWIM. I also felt very guilty as there was part of me that didn't want it to be twins, that I wouldn't be able to cope, and how much easier it would be with one.

I suffered a lot with PND and I think this was one of the reasons - I only really addressed it this year when I told my mum about it. Turns out she knew, as she had read it in my notes one day when she came to an appointment with me - neither of us had spoken about it.

I feel so sad on his birthday, thinking he should have a brother or sister the same age.

I want to get a tattoo, of some flowers - two open flowers for DS and his younger DD, then an unopened bud for the twin that wasn't to be

It is so very confusing to know how to grieve and celebrate at the same time x