Traumatic bereavement

[Pamplem00se]

My Mum died by suicide in very traumatic circumstances two years ago today. Her remains "weren't viewable" as a result and we had an extended traumatic inquest in which the psychiatrists main defence was that her family (me basically) could have done mpre. I was questioned by the nhs solicitor without warning in the middle of a late miscarriage. Now things have moved on- I'm cuddling my newborn who she will never know and moved house to somewhere bigger because we could afford to with my inheritance and I couldn't bear to live in the house id learnt about her death by reading about it after shed gone missing in the local bbc online news. I thought I'd be "over it" by now as she was a very difficult woman I spent my childhood as carer for and angst ridden because of suicide threats. But I just feel guilty- for having "profited" from her death... and angry that she could have done this to me. My last conversation with her was under section and she just ranted about getting out as I told her she needed to get her meds straight first. She was discharged the next day and dead a week later. But because she had told the psychiatrist she has future plans wasn't deemed a suicide risk despite past attempts :( no real reason for posting. My head is just confused.

I have not lost any family member to suicide but have lost so many people. I am sure that it must be awful for you not to have any proper conclusion re DM's death. That was a horrible comment from the psychiatrist at the inquest. It is also very wrong. You were the daughter the psychiatrist was the professionally qualified person with responsibility for the care of your DM. That comment was likely to have been made when you were devastated by the death. Is there a written report on the inquest? I think I might have a short word with a solicitor to see if you can do anything about the criticism of you and the shirking of responsibility.
I can understand your confused thoughts about the inheritance. It takes a while to really take that on board but you have made a good move by investing the money in a house. Perhaps you could get a plague for the garden if you have one, or maybe a good picture of DM in a prominent place.
Don't be too hard on yourself

I'm so sorry, OP. That's really tough.

Try not see your inheritance as "profit" from your poor mum's death. You would have inherited from her anyway, if she had lived longer, so try to look at it as sadly getting your inheritance too early.

Maybe it would help to talk it all over with some sort of counsellor?

I read your story and my thought was that you benefitted from your DMs life, notvfrom the death. Many children benefit in a similar way when a parent dies, but it was their life which created whatever you have gained (work, investment, etc). And I'm sure you deserve it. Dont be too hard on yourself, and cuddle that baby just a little longer xxx

Thank you. Yes there's a written report 0n the inquest. Part of me felt that a psychiatrist who was prepared to push "blame" onto me probably wasn't a very good psychiatrist. The coroner did intervene at that point to be fair. It's been a horrendous two years in which i had an awful experience with bullying at work then redundancy and a late miscarriage so I've n3ver really had the energy to follow it up.
New baby is just gorgeous but I wonder if we would have had him (or been.able to afford to) if my mum was still here as he's my fourth. Xx