How to help her move forward

[Peashoot1]

My father passes away a year and a half ago from a short fight from lung cancer. We did everything we possibly could to keep him going. Since he left, my mums life has turned completely upside down. Shes moved in with us. She gave up work (they didnt appreciate her after 15 years) Her whole world has turned upside down. She had a cancer scare after dad went and to top it all she had kidney stones...which have finally been dealt with. She doesnt feel she has anything to live for. Family mean well but they have all got on with their lives. I have done my upmost best to keep her going but I watching her go through this is also as hard as watching my dad. I'm not quite sure what to do now. I just dont know how to get her feeling less anxious and out of the house with purpose. She's in her own world. I'm not quite sure what to do. Xmas is coming up. I loved my dad to bits and sometimes this responsibility is a bit heavy to carry. I love my parents to bits. Just do t.know how I can help her to move forward

She needs a reason to live. That generally involves real-life, day-to-day connections with people. Good luck.

Sorry for your loss, Peashoot1

Eighteen months is nothing in terms of grief. Couple this with a life-threatening health scare and another tiresome and potentially life-affecting illness, your mum has had more than enough to set her back, so "moving forward", while well-meant is not helpful ( though I don't imagine you would say this to her).

You say she's moved in with you. If you don't mind saying, why did she do this? She's stopped doing two very significant things, work and independent living and these are, I think key to her longer term living.

@peashoot1

Firstly I'm so so sorry for your loss. I lost my Dad just after Christmas 17, three years ago this year. Four weeks hollowing his diagnosis with cancer. It broke my heart and I'm still dealing with it. And Christmas, as you too identify, becomes a very difficult family time.

It's easy to feel guilt and responsibility. Please be kind to yourself. You too are grieving, and healing. No ones grief is superior to another's. And we all deal with it differently.

I suspect the responsibility of your mum makes your grief harder. It makes you a guilty, practical griever who first has to sort out their mum.
You are very good to look after her in your home. Few could do that. I couldn't.

How old is she now? Could she still work and does she, eg volunteering?
Why did she move in with you? Is moving out ever a possibility?

My mum had a very difficult first two years but this year has turned a corner. She is still working part-time. She got a dog (massive help). And of all things, she took up golf!
Like your mum, her friends around her sort of faded away with time. They were mostly wives of my dads friends. But she has new friends from work and golf. It's not perfect but it's a big help. Has your mum any similar options?