Don’t be nasty, as I’m feeling fragile with full on anxiety
Found out through Sister that brother was found by his son dead at home.
Bit back story
There was massive arguments and a lot of horrible words said many years ago, I was never directly involved
But I knew if I said anything I’d be the next one to be involved in all the vindictive nastyness. My mh could not cope with this, many years of high anxiety depression and family social avoidance.(social anxiety)
So after a bit of phoning around by myself, I found out the funeral was today.
In my heart I felt I should send some flowers(don’t know why, to make me feel better??)
I’ve never been involved in the family feud
Last night i couldn’t get to sleep till gone 3am and awake at 7.30am
It just going round and round in my head, what happened
Anxiety is high today, I feel I can’t sit still(or I will think about it)
I feel if I don’t think about it, it hasn’t happened!
I don’t even know what I’m asking or doing,
I’m nothing like my other sister’s who chat together, I’m an introvert
I seem to want to stay away because I think I don’t want to know any problems or upsets
This as really fucked me up again
after just about getting to the point where I’ve started going out again, and feeling better in myself
My thinking all over the place, I feel guilty I’m not a normal person
I don’t want this, I don’t even know how to handle it
I just wanna pretend it never happened