Parting with Mother's stuff

[Geppili]

I am not recently bereaved. DM died very suddenly four years ago this month. She died intestate and the majority of her estate went to my step father. She left a vast amount of physical objects. In the immediate aftermath of her death, it seemed like ever single object was imbued with her. I saved so many things. Pictures, books, lamps, rugs, cushions, ornaments, jewellery. I have to motivate myself to part with much of it. I am putting it off because I keep wanting to sell most of it or at least try to. But I find it hard to motivate myself. I also find it hard to think of just donating it. If anyone has any advice or insight to help me, I would be so grateful.

Is it partly that it's not just your mum's stuff, but it's part of your childhood? And perhaps you don't have other strong links to that ?
(I just ask because my Mum had just died and there are things like a Victorian bookcase full of the books she had since when I was a child. I'm not sure where I could put it (looks round room, purses lips, shakes head) but it would take a lot of courage to get rid of it.
To an extent I find that passing stuff on to people who it has some sort of meaning for - whether a personal connection or they just love whatever it is - is easier.

Thanks so much for your kind and insightful reply. I am so sorry for your loss. It's terrible. I think you are spot on about childhood. My parents divorced and always had had two properties. My mother kept lots of (what I thought were sacred beautiful treasures) antiques and prints. She gradually amassed more and more with a vast attic and multiple properties. I think I see much of it as treasure, almost sacred, from a time when my parents were together. She also put huge value on material goods during our upbringing. She grew up without very much at all during WW 2. Since she died I find myself struggling to accept that things don't define you. For eg I was brought up that books were sacred and a very important social pointer! I just had our living room redecorated, which necessitated removing our huge collection of books. I haven't put any back in yet and I love the white space.

Another thought but probably you may not have time - volunteer in a charity shop, ideally one selling the sort of stuff you have most of. Being deluged with "treasure" for week after week and month after month can change your perspective quite a bit!

Also, see if you can reconnect to relatives and friends from earlier in life. I managed to throw out a load of exercise books (yes really) after getting back in touch with a school friend.

My mum passed away recently.
She had lots of clothes cushions and stuff
So I had some of it made into memory bears and memory pillows for my immediate family . They absolutely love them and it’s a lovely keepsake for my nieces and nephew who may not remember there Nan
( and the clothes are gone 😂)

Thank you for your replies. The idea about volunteering in a charity shop is great and the memory cushions!

There are some lovely designers on Etsy that do memory cushions and memory bears and toys
You just pick a design and send of three or four items of clothing that you like and they design it for you
It’s a lovely way I think of remembering someone special

Maybe you can post things on Gumtree to give away or sell?

I took photos of some objects that had sentimental meaning but which i didn’t have space to store. I can still look at them whenever I want. I found it really helped.

She also put huge value on material goods during our upbringing. She grew up without very much at all during WW 2

Yes, mine too, OP. It gives you a very particular way of looking at material objects, doesn't it? My mum often used the word "precious" about even quite ordinary things.

I'd agree with a pp that giving things away to people for whom they have some significance helps. I'd also agree that taking photos of things you don't have room to store helps - that's what I did with a lot of my mum's clothes.

The other thing I'd say is that we all have this idea that we ought to de-clutter drummed into us, but I'd say why "de-clutter" if you don't really need the space? Why not just keep everything you have room for? That's what I'm doing.

With some things, I found that I have gradually whittled it down over the years, as the things which are the truly important things gradually made themselves known. Give yourself enough time, OP - four years is nothing, really. My mum died in 2010, and it took until this year until I could say goodbye to another lot of her clothes.

Sorry for your loss.

Time thank you so much. At work so can't really post.