Coping with birthdays and anniversaries

[Robs20]

I am writing this in a bit of desperation.
It is coming up to my daughter’s second birthday (next Saturday). She died in January from a stupid winter virus.

Does anyone have any tips or suggestions of what to do/ how to cope with the birthday, and then the anniversary of her death? I know everyone is different but I have no idea and it is creeping up on me. No friends or family have mentioned anything and it feels like I lose more friends every day. No one bothers to check in and of course they all carry on with their lives.

Last year we had a nice birthday party and I’m so glad we did. We also went to town for Christmas and had a wonderful time. She was in hospital the year before over xmas so we really made up for it. This year I am torn between feeling empty and miserable and also wanting to make the most of life whilst remembering she isn’t here.

Hi @Robs20. I was on the Bereavement board looking for support for myself and came across your post. I am so so sorry to hear about the loss of your little girl in January-what an awful year it must have been for you. What is your daughter's name? Birthdays, special events and anniversaries are incredibly difficult in my experience and I really feel for you. As to ways to mark her birthday, I know a lady who takes the day off and makes a special cake and spends time thinking of her baby... on the anniversary of your little girl's passing, are you able to visit her / donate to a charity in her memory / pray or light a candle and think of her?

As to family and friends...grieving the loss of a child is such a lonely place to be. People dont know what to say or do, so they say stupid, well-meaning but hurtful things or worse nothing at all because they fear it will hurt you more. And they do move on after the initial flurry of sympathy because they cannot possibly comprehend how awful losing a child is. I just want you to know that you are not alone.

I have no advice but will be thinking of you and your precious girl next Saturday. I’m also following this thread for any other ideas for when we are in this situation in the new year.
It’s such an unusual situation that I’m guessing not many people have experienced it to be able to offer ideas.

Robs20
I'm so sorry for your loss.
I lost my eldest son xmas 09
Dreading this year.
I've found others avoid you because they don't know what to say, until you've walked in our shoes you have no idea how devastating their loss is.
I have been lighting a candle every evening since, a special one on all his anniversaries.
I don't know if the site is still active but Gone Too Soon helped me so much. So much support there.
Changes your whole world doesn't it.
Hugs to you.