Anniversary of MIL's death, I'm so useless

[pumpkinpie01]

My lovely MIL died a year ago today. It's been a tough year my DS 6 misses her so much and holds her photo crying andmy DH is blocking it all out which is so worrying.My FIL and DH have the day off work today and we are going to the grave and the church to say a prayer. I miss her so much I just can't stop crying. How can I be of any use to them when I 'm like this I just can't pull myself together but I can't not go their loss is greater than mine. I feel useless but I need to pull myself together and be strong but I just can't stop crying. I'm no use to either of them .

Hey @pumpkinpie01. I am sorry nobody replied to your post yesterday, I have only just seen this.
I am so sorry for your loss - it sounds like you love your MIL dearly. Don't beat yourself up for not supporting your family - you were there with them and doing the best you could when you too are grieving. Were you able to go to the church/see her grave yesterday? Would it help to tell us a bit more about her? Anniversaries are so hard.

Hi, thank you for replying , very thoughtful of you. Yes we went to the grave together then onto the church but we could only go in the porch area so we left notes for prayers for Sunday. Just feel so sorry for everyone - my DH is an only child and had a lovely relationship with his mum, they had such a special bond. She was a kind, funny lady who absolutely doted on our DS. It's so sad that he only had her in his life for 5 years when she loved him so much. I keep telling myself there are people much worse off , but that doesn't help when my little boy cries that he misses her, it breaks my heart. Bloody cancer , it's shit.

Your not useless op your grieving along with your family. We lost fil 2 years ago this coming boxing day.

I know the feeling of feeling 'useless'. Its so hard when everyone is just so devastated and you just don't know what to say or do to help everyone as well as yourself, you just want to take their pain away. You have my sympathies op

@MegaClutterSlut sorry , I have only just seen you had replied. It's so hard isn't it , trying to be strong for everyone whilst grieving too. My ds6 asks so many questions about death its tough.

Cancer took my DM on Tuesday. My DC have ASD and can't really express their emotions. But I know they adored her and she them. It's tough because so few people truly understand them, know them and love them without judging. She was one of the few .. DS 7 made a special little gauze bag with beads, sequins and a tiny heart with grandma written on it it today. He has not said one word about her death to anyone.

@Didiplanthis I am so so sorry for your loss, I suppose it doesn't seem real for you yet , I'm not sure it ever does when we lose someone we love. Your poor children , it's heartbreaking when your children's world is turned upside down. Cancer is so cruel taking away grandparents that dote on their grandchildren and give them so much love. Much love and big hugs to you at this very sad time xx

Your thread has made my cry. My wonderful MIL is currently coming to the end with lung cancer. She is a fabulous mother in law and nanny to our children. My youngest has ASD and my husband is also an only child. We are all heartbroken. I just wanted to say your thread has really moved me.