dm passed away

[AmmarettoSours]

hi all
we lost my Dm to ovarian cancer on 25/10/19. we only found out in august that it was cancer and dm just didnt have the fight in her to beat it.
im absolutely devastated. dm wasnt always the best mum and was at times abusive and alcoholic but the past year or so she was really trying to better herself.
i feel angry that this has happend when she was doing so well. im angry that it took her so quickly and im angry that my Dm who was a big hard arse woman all her life was made frail and weak.
we got the call from the hospital to go and say our goodbyes to dm the night before and we all did (dm has 6 dc) we made her laugh and talked about good times. dm then sent us all home litteraly said "right im kicking you all out now i need to sleep" so we all left other than df who stayed with her till the end, telling her we would be back in the morning.
what kills me most is that on the way to the hospital next morning she passed before i could get there.
i feel like i am lost. i keep picking the phone up to call her and then remembering and bursting into tears again.

i know this is rambled and im not sure why i am posting but had to do something

I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you are with your family.

I am so very sorry for your loss. Grief is never easy, but when a relationship has been difficult it can be filled with some very complicated emotions. FWIW, your reaction sounds very natural and normal: there is nothing 'wrong' about what you are experiencing, even if it is intensely painful.

I seriously recommend speaking to a grief counsellor if you can. Some hospices offer this service for free (and you can self-refer in some places, even if your relation died at home or in hospital).

for you and many condolences.

I'm sorry for your loss. It's hard losing your mum. x

I’m so sorry you lost your mum.

I lost my mum on the 24th July. It’s still really difficult and I am mostly in a blur of sadness and rage. Keep talking, posting, whatever you need to do. I’m about to start counselling, I’m
Hoping an hour of week to
Talk about it will help me xx

thank you all and im sorry for your losses
im honestly scared to try counselling because im scared i wont be listened to. we cannot afford private as im not working and talking to doctors has been like talking to a brick wall.
i struggle badly with anxiety and in june had a really bad episode that lasted almost 2 months where i was convinced the end of the world was going to happen in 10 years and that we were all going to die. i had started looking into homesteading as i was convinced it was the only way to survive. in the end i was a wreck and in a constant state of panick. i knew i needed help and went to see the doctor. all she did was give me a weeks worth of anti depressants and tell me to "stop thinking about it and get a job" ( i havent worked for 10 years due to pannick attacks and getting sent home) i have also been told im putting it on by a previous doctor and was also told to "just get a job and youll be fine"
i have no freinds to talk to and family is very complicated.

My mum had a stroke while she was visiting my brother. She went into the hospital in the evening, and I spoke to her as they were waiting for the ambulance. I was going over first thing the next morning to see her with my other brother and sister, a family friend drove us over. Half way there we got a call from my brother that she'd gone into a coma and she wouldn't come out of it. She passed away the next day. More than anything I regret not going over that night. I don't remember what the last thing I said to her was. One day she was there and the next she wasn't. She wasn't there for my wedding, when I have kids they'll never know her, it just breaks my heart honestly. It's coming up to the first year now and I still don't know how to deal with it. I'm so sorry for your loss

I'm so sorry. DM died in July from Ovarian Cancer after only being diagnosed at the end of March. I don't think many realise how devastating it can be and so quickly. I never thought for one moment she wouldn't be here as we approach Christmas.

I'm so sorry about your Mum.

May she rest in peace

I'm so sorry for your loss ovarian cancer is truly awful, so late presenting that often there is not much that can be done. I hope that you have some support in real life. Look after yourself