Feeling abandoned by friends

[The2Ateam]

My mum died in the Summer. I’m devastated but I’m a grown up. I feel disappointed with my friends, I know I am perhaps being unreasonable as they came to see me when she died, attended her funeral but then radio silence for weeks & weeks. In fact, I didn’t so much as get a text from my best friend for 2 months. Another txted today after a month to say she had just had a lovely week off work. I just need someone who isn’t DH to talk to, I know I am expecting too much but I can’t help how I feel.

I had similar. I found being bereaved a very isolating experience and permanently re-evaluated friendships. Even friends whom I had supported through their bereavements did not support me. I found attending a weekly aupport group at the local hospice (open to anyone not just those who had lost someone at the hospice) a big help.

I think this is very common.
I have a much smaller group of friends now, some of them are similarly bereaved and we have bonded over our shared experience.
I lost my adult child. I will never be the person I used to be. Everything changes.
If you can find a local support group, you will probably meet people who will turn out to be better friends than the ones who have drifted away.
I am sorry for your loss.

Bereavement is difficult because people deal with it differently.
After my dm died, I went back to work & didn’t want to talk, I wanted normal routine and chatter, and I dealt with it in quiet times on my own. But she was old, she had been ill for a while and it was an end to the pain.

My dsd was completely different, she died at 23 after the most shocking & horrendous illness that we lived with for two years. She was far too young, and although I didn’t realise it at the time, I was traumatised and badly needed to talk. I must have been very hard work for my friends, and I should have sought counselling.

Your friends are probably a mixture of thinking you need space to deal with it quietly, embarrassed at not knowing what to say, and worried about saying the wrong thing & upsetting you.
Do you have any siblings who share your situation? Or your mum’s sister. Someone closer to the situation who will listen and totally understand.
From the text you just received, it sounds like your friends are waiting for you to rejoin the group when you feel up to it.

Sorry for your loss. I hope it gets easier x

Thanks all. I have no siblings and my mum’s sisters are abroad and whilst I speak to them
On the phone a lot, I am very conscious not to upset them further, as they would be worried to know we’re not coping well.