freaking out over christening

[pyjamagirl]

Hi this is my first post,we are getting our children baptised on Sunday and I am totally panicking
we lost our 5 week old daughter in 1998 and she was baptised by the hospital chaplin whilst in ICU and although it was very hard at the time I thought I had coped really well.
I have been organising this christening for months and am now experiencing panic attacks ,horrid dreams and flashbacks to my daughters christening
I gor very upset a couple of days ago and ended up sobbing my heart out whilst blaming partner for it all (it was nothing to do with him of course) I was just blaming him for not supporting me through it .
this is so unlike me and I could really do with some advice I'm not fishing for sympathy as I have dealt with it alone for almost 9 years these new feelings are just freaking me out ( and I really feel like cancelling the christening.

Hi pyjamagirl
Glad you've found MN and the courage to post.
I am so sorry about your duaghter.
I can't really give you any practical advice but there are plenty of people about who can so I am bumping this thread.
Thinking of you

Thankyou I've been a bit of a lurker on Mn for ages but never posted before xx

hi i am sorry about your daughter,its bound to be very hard ,but even though time passes,hurt doesnt go away, everyone tells you as time helps but things bring back the hurt,i do hope you can go ahead with christening,you deserve some happiness, i dont know what to say but the mumsnet girls are very good at advice, they are the best councellsors out, honest

Bumping for pyjama girl

Hi pyjama - hope you are ok at the moment
I have thought about this and have a couple of suggestions. Feel free to dismiss at will.

You could build in a little bit of the service to mention and remember your dd. Your vicar (if indeed it is a vicar) shouldn't have any issue with this and indeed should be helpful to you in deciding what he/she should say on your behalf

Or

you could go with your partner and children to a special place either before or after the baptism and say a few words of your own to your dd. You may want to do a simple picnic to remember her or a walk in the park. on beach. Anything that you think will be appropriate

If you decide to do something like this I think it will take away some of your anxiety because you will, in effect, be dealing with your feelings about your dd on your own terms and in a loving manner that is more controlled than associating it all with the christening

I do hope this helps you in some way. Do shout out if you need to talk anymore

Love to you
X

Thanx for all your support I have thought about asking the vicar to mention her during the service or maybe light a special candle for her
I think a lot of what I feel is guilt that there should be another little girl at the service but there is not much i can do about it except remember her in our own way
thankyou all once again I feel much better today xxxxxxx