Time off work

[TemporaryPermanent]

This old chestnut... sorry I can't see a recent thread.

How much, if any, time off work did you have after you lost a parent? Was it compassionate, annual or sick leave?

I'm trying to work out whether I am fit to work. I am feeling so stressed by this. I know I'm all over the place and trying to separate out the strands.

My dad died on Friday. He'd been ill for 5 weeks. He was 100 miles away so I did a fair bit of driving to visit, though not as much as you might think. I was supposed to go on holiday the day after he got ill, which I cancelled - I was already tired before that. I had that booked time off work but was mostly at the hospital with him or at home catching up after being at the hospital. I also had one other day off for a meeting with the doctors, and another for the day he died. I'm going to need a day off for the funeral.

I've complicated stuff by going to see a friend for a weekend immediately after he died - it was booked over a year ago and I am glad I went, but it meant more travelling. But I feel guilty that I have exhausted myself even more for fun.

I can't work out where I am just tired, where I am grieving, where I am stressed about funeral details and the family politics (not too bad, but there isn't a family out there without any IMO!). My job also requires me to work with very ill elderly people. It was getting very difficult to do my job and be sure I was making impartial decisions while he was so unwell.

My partner died traumatically 18 months ago. I am also having trouble working out what I am still feeling about that.

Oh dear, where to begin talking to my boss??

Does your workplace have a leave policy you could read before speaking to your boss? I was in a similar position in March and my company had very clear guidelines which detailed time off for the funeral in addition to the time for the bereavement. It was helpful to have it in writing so the conversations I had were just clarfiication and confirmation of what I planned to take out of courtesy.

Sorry for your loss. It is a tough time that others struggle to know how to react to. I was 27 when my dad died. From him being admitted to hospital, to his funeral, was two weeks so that’s how long I was off work, as it was all 200 miles away. I had one phone call from them before he actually died just to clarify the situation, but was told to take as long as needed. When I went back to work, the time off was never mentioned. My pay wasn’t docked. So I assume it was discretionary compassionate leave.

I arranged bereavement counselling within a month or so because I wasn’t sleeping or coping well. Work let me have the time off for those sessions each time for quite a few weeks too. They really were supportive. I hope your work can be too.

Thank you both.

God this is difficult.

It’s really difficult. But take care of yourself. Do what you need to do to stay functioning. Sleep. Food. Switch off with trashy tv. Talk if you want to. Do you have someone to just let it all out with, who will just listen?

Yeah quite a few people thank goodness.

My bosses are being pretty good and I'm seeing my GP today.

I think theres a way forward.

Hi Op. I’m so sorry for your loss. My Dad died last year. I was allowed one week compassionate leave and then allowed to take some annual leave. I’m a nurse so I can empathise with your feelings about patients.

Re the funeral you won’t be able to please everyone. Do what pleases you and what your Dad would have liked. I found Emma Freud’s article in the Guardian ‘How to do a funeral’ very wise and comforting if you feel up to taking a look. Take water, hankies and mints.

Do look after yourself. It will get better I promise.💐

I am so sorry for your loss. My lovely Dad died on Sunday. My work have told me to take as long as I need but I'm guessing they mean a week. I plan to go back on Monday and then I have some annual leave booked on the following week. I will also take a day for the funeral but I am guessing that will be bereavement leave.

I hope your work can be understanding. It's a really tough time. Trying to sort out funeral arrangements, grieving and keeping all other plates spinning.

Big hugs to you.

Very sad to think about all these losses.

My GP has in fact signed me off for two weeks. I guess I can go back earlier if I feel OK. Not likely at the moment...

How are you doing, Temporary?