Rage and grief

[BobbyDazzler99]

Dh'a mother diagnosed with cancer of liver, lung and brain. Terrible shock.

She was initially given six weeks to live. Now they think a year.

Dh adores his parents. He's very upset. Also just moved country and a new job. An awful lot on.

He goes back to UK whenever he can to see her. A good thing.

However, dh has always been a person very quick to anger. Quite unpleasant to live with tbh.

With all the stress he's under, his temper is even worse and swearing an awful lot too at me and the dcs. We are all waiting for the next rage. And boy does he rage.

Of course I cannot counter this because his mother is dying and I'm not being supportive if I ask him to pipe down.

It's so hard on the dcs. They either tiptoe around him or eventually get hacked off with him.

How can I manage this? It's true to say I don't want to go near him because his behaviour is frankly foul at times.

When his mother dies, I think he will totally lose the plot. I'm scared. I fear he has carte blanche because of this pain he has.

I'm very fortunate to still have my parents but this is thrown at me because they are elderly and his mother is 67.

unfortunately this is an issue with any person who has poor behaviour, as giving them leeway due to circumstances makes them intolerable.

His upset is not justification for the damage he is doing to your dc. He needs professional help.

If it was me I think I would be saying something like you understand his anger and frustration but that he is being very unfair in taking it out on you and the DCs - you are not his figurative punch bags. He needs to channel his anger elsewhere (possibly with counselling) to avoid irreparably damaging his relationship with the DCs and you, which is something that his mother would want for him or her grandchildren.

I agree with Reluctant that you need to not let him get away with it or he’ll carry on and after his mother has passed away it will be because his mother has died and after that there’ll be another reason for his anger. He needs firm boundaries from those around him (easier said than done I know) and help to work out other methods of dealing with his feelings.

for you while you all work through this.

That should read NOT something his mother would want