Another wave of grief.

[picklemepopcorn]

I seem to be caught up in another wave of grief. I don't know if it's because I didn't process things properly at the time, or changes in the medication I'm taking, or what.

DF died 18months ago, after an 18 month illness. It was a difficult time, DM is a very difficult woman and the last three years have been all about her, really.

I don't suppose there is anything anyone can say. I'm just sad. Sad and struggling a bit.

@picklemepopcorn I think it does just take that long to come out sometimes, especially if at the time you have other distractions like your DM who are taking a lot of your attention. I still have waves of grief for my dad and that’s 9 years ago this year, but now I’m able to think about things I loved about him and enjoyed with him and grieve through that, rather than the gut-wrenching hole-type grief it was at first.

Sorry for your loss, OP

Have you seen this piece about grief? It has helped me with a loss.

www.thelossfoundation.org/grief-comes-in-waves/

Oh OP

My DF died a few years after a similar amount of time with an illness to your DF (about 18 months). We were expecting his death and I think I coped quite well at the time.

The first year was spent putting energy into my DM (sorry yours is a difficult woman). My DM is lovely but lives far away from me.

It was only in the next year it started to hit me that my DF was gone. I started to feel really angry. He was fit and healthy (fitter than me!). It seemed so unfair. Then I would be fine. Then something small would trigger me off like seeing a new TV series trailed that he'd been waiting and I said to myself "I must remind Dad about that!" only to feel the grief punch me in the stomach. Once similar happened in a gift shop and I saw his favourite sweets.
This year Fathers Day hit me like a train. My Dad didn't even like Fathers Day! But I cried like a baby.

It does come in waves. I've found the best way is to let them crash over you. You feel better fit it in the end.

Thank you.
Thank you. It helps.

I lost my DF 15 months ago after a short but brutal illness. I also have a difficult DM (though parents were divorced).

It’s hard and sad and heavy. I found counselling to be wonderful. More to deal with DM than anything but we also covered DF’s illness and death too. Could you try that?

My DH died suddenly just over three years ago, and I can tell you it doesn't stop tidily. I've also had the varying grief attached to the deaths of my brother, father, mother, SIL, ex-boyfriends, so can say how chaotic it all is.

Grief is unruly and pops up when you least expect it, and it is all natural. There is no "proper process", though if you're feeling in an especially difficult situation, counselling can help.

Many

That's a good point actually, counselling. There's also a healing team at a local church I've been meaning to try (all very reputable, not preying on people's vulnerabilities).

Right. Two things to pursue. I've been diagnosed with fibromyalgia which hasn't helped! I know I need to unpick some old underlying stress/grief/trauma, as well.

Thank you, and I'm sorry for your losses as well- one day at a time.

My mum died 4 years ago and I seem to have a wave of grief at the beginning of September each year.

Personally I think it’s down to dc going back to school after the summer hols, another year older without their loving Nana, and also because autumn is coming.

I deal with it by talking lots to friends and family, as well as allowing myself time during the day to wallow in my grief, allowing myself to miss her, and then dust myself of and get on with the day.

Counselling will certainly help you to deal with your grief and any underlying issues. It took me 3 attempts to find the right therapist for me, but my db was lucky with his first one.