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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

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Original poster

My mummy just died

14 replies

Justsocross · 09/08/2019 03:26

My mum just died a few hours ago and as you can imagine we are all in shock as it was unexpected. My dad is in pieces and so is my brother. My question is what do I have to do ? I will be the one in charge of sorting things but I don’t know what the things are ! Can anyone please just give me a list of what you have to do

OP posts:

Monty27 · 09/08/2019 03:38

I'm so very sorry. I can't help but I'm sure the hospital and other professionals will support you.
I'm sure someone more helpful will come along.

Widowodiw · 09/08/2019 03:47

Sadly yes I know what to do. When my husband died had to pick some paperwork up from the hospital to take with me when I registered the death.

You can use the governments tell us once service which informs the relevant organisations of the deceased passing. Saves you doing it several times over.

Make an appointment with a funeral director.

Claim Bereavement support from the gov for your father.

Start to bet in touch with any life insurance/ claim pensions.

Do you want to “announce” the death? How will you do this? Newspaper?

I’m sure there’s other things but I didn’t have a clue what to do it kinda just flowed into place once I started to do a few things.

I’m sorry your having to do this.

flapjackfairy · 09/08/2019 03:47

Oh I am so sorry ! It is v hard especially when it is sudden .
The funeral directors will point you in the right direction as regards arrangements for the funeral etc.
How old are you and your brother ?
I wouldn't worry too much tonight about sorting anything just do what you have to to get through the next day or so.
Sending lots of love x

tryingtobebetterallthetime · 09/08/2019 03:47

So sorry for the loss of your Mum. I have been through the loss of my parents, and it is very hard. I have pasted a link below that will at least start you off with what you need to do. You can also probably get advice from the professionals involved. Please take care and be gentle with yourself.

https://www.gov.uk/after-a-death

Decormad38 · 09/08/2019 04:15

Sorry for your loss. You sound young. Perhaps you have someone who you can turn to to ask for help.

Alicewond · 09/08/2019 04:24

I’m so sorry, I’m sure all the important stuff has happened by now, if you want to just talk about your mum?

greathat · 09/08/2019 05:18

So sorry for your loss, yes would you like to talk about her?

echt · 10/08/2019 06:28

So sorry for your loss, Justsocross

An unexpected death has an extra layer of stress. tryingtobebetter's link is a good start.

In terms of organisation, of the funeral, don't be hurried. Take your time to make your DM's funeral one that satisfies any wishes she had, as well as the family. Funerals are for the mourners rather than the dead. Our grief is tempered by feeling satisfied that the dead had good send-off.

My own DH's death was out of the blue, and while his funeral was a ripper, there are aspects I know were a response to my feeling hurried, and I would do differently now. Though I don't beat myself up about it.

As greathat has posted, would you like to tell us about her?

RosaWaiting · 11/08/2019 00:45

OP I’m so sorry

I had to take charge when my father died. The hospital and hospice both gave me a leaflet which was very helpful, hope they still do this. Your GP might also have copies.

I’m about to post a link to a list of tasks but just before that, I’ll say that you might want to get extra copies of the death certificate, if you are going to need to post it to any organisations. It’s more expensive to order them later, so better to ask the registrar at the time.

The only things I would really focus on now are the registration and maybe the funeral but I’ve known people leave any funeral arrangements for a while until they felt better able to cope.

Here’s the link

www.ageuk.org.uk/information-advice/money-legal/legal-issues/what-to-do-when-someone-dies/

Otterseatpuffinsdontthey · 11/08/2019 00:47

QOD · 11/08/2019 07:27

I’m so so sorry for your loss 💐

stucknoue · 11/08/2019 07:49

hugs

WinterWife · 11/08/2019 08:00

So sorry for your loss.
I lost mine 2 weeks ago so still pretty raw. You will need a death certificate from her GP although if it was sudden a post-mortem may be needed beforehand. Not sure how this works in regards to registering her death but if you give your council a call they will have further details.
Just get through the next few days and start making arrangements on Monday. Again, sorry for your loss.

user1474402918 · 11/08/2019 08:07

So sorry for your loss. I've not had any experience of this but I would suggest contacting your GP surgery or a funeral director who should be able to point you in the right direction. Don't feel rushed or under pressure to make decisions and make sure you take time to grieve as well as looking after everyone else. Xxx

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