Feeling so sad

[RumbleDoll]

My eldest son died Xmas 09, aged 31.
I thought I was coping ok, then suddenly tonight, it's hit me like ton of bricks, again.
How long does this go on for?
I miss him so much.

I guess the answer is that you won’t ever not miss him, just sometimes more than others.
What made him so prominent in your mind ?

I don’t think bereavement ever goes away, but you can find things to live for. Other things which make you smile so that it’s like a little room in the back of your mind. Sometimes you can open that room to the happiness you now have and know the one lost would be happy too x

I got told by a bereavement counselor that you never get over someone dying, but you learn to live with it, the bad days get further apart. It doesn't mean that you have forgotten them, just that you have come to accept that they have gone.

I was asking myself this today. My Dad hung himself 3 months ago and I thought I was coping then all of a sudden found myself crying in meetings at work earlier. Why does a wave of grief just strike out of nowhere. Sorry for your loss OP

@Shanster that must be so hard for you, I’m so sorry, do you have support and understanding of what happened?

You will never forget. You will just live with it better. I still have little meltdowns after 6 years. Go with the flow, it is all you can do. Sorry for your loss.

I'm so sorry OP.
This will go on forever, out of the blue.
It's pure science to know why the grief can unhide itself unexpectedly.
It does become more manageable the more you accept it.
It'll never disappear entirely. And why would it.

So sorry for your loss, Rumbledoll.

It never stops. It ambushes you. Having it hit you is not "not coping", it's normal. Coping is external, not internal. Coping is getting to work, paying the bills, being OK to others on a day to day level.

What happens inside is not controllable, and unless it's making you decidedly and repeatedly very unhappy, is all OK. If not, seek some therapy/intervention/counselling.

Many

As PPs have said, this is normal. My DH died 27 years ago, and I still have days when I cry for him.
Bereavement is not something you “get over”. It’s like an amputation - the leg never grows back, you are never “cured” - but you first learn to get around in a wheelchair, then progress to a prosthesis, and people looking at you can’t tell you have a missing limb. But you are always aware of that stump. Some days, the stump hurts.
Cry when you need to, OP. Tears are healthy, express your grief. Afterwards you may feel drained, but relieved. If I’m having a “bad DH day”, I put sad music on and sob my heart out for a couple of hours until it passes, or give my grief to God in prayer and ask for His support.
It’s a cliche but no less true for that- Grief is the price we pay for love.
If you never loved, you’d never grieve, but who wants a life with no love?
As a Christian I am comforted by the knowledge that I will be reunited with DH and all other lost loved ones after my own death, when God will wipe away all tears.
There’s a lovely carving on a stone memorial by the Water of Leith in Edinburgh that sums this up beautifully:
“Grief is not forever. But love is”.