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Phone Call From Pension Scheme

52 replies

MitziK · 29/07/2019 12:09

My brother died suddenly a few months ago. Which is really crap (I nearly lost it the other night when watching a Marvel movie and realised my last words to him were from that - he was a huge fan and had made a point of passing that on to me, but I honestly didn't realise that's where my words were from).

Anyhow, the phone rang this morning and a bloke who said he was calling from my brother's pension scheme asked for permission to write to me. He had my name, obviously my mobile number and it was definitely his employer's name. He didn't ask for any other details and his accent matched the location of the pension fund offices. There has been no mention of DB's death/identification in the press (thankfully, considering it was a serious accident) and I knew that he would have a pension with Death in Service Benefit, just because of where he worked.

I've given the guy permission to write and he says I'll receive something in the next couple of days.

Obviously, whatever it is, I'll double/triple/quadruple check whether it's legit before replying, but it's worrying me.

a) is it feasible that a large pension scheme has picked my details up and contacted me out of the blue like that?

b) is it likely to be a fucking cold hearted scam?

c) are they just doublechecking that the parent can be counted as a dependent?

d) could the silly sod have nominated me for something?

e) if so, will the other parties know of this/the amount?

For context, it's a family that was at best, coldly neglectful and at worst, outright abusive family - DB was the only one who seemed to like me and was the only person who never hurt me physically or said anything cruel. He died without a partner/spouse or having any children.

I'm a bit worried that the other relatives (who were planning to track down the Death in Service Benefit at his hospital bed - I did think at the time that it was probably a conversation they would have been better having in the Relatives' Room) have triggered a claim and they're going to go ballistic if they find out I'm potentially receiving something that they feel is rightfully the #1 abuser's.

Does anybody have any experience of this? I'm telling myself it's either dodgy as hell or it's just to make sure that he wasn't supporting somebody else on the side - but, as I was informed on the day of the funeral that they didn't want to ever see my ugly face again, I'd rather not have them contacting me to voice their displeasure or at least would like to be prepared change my mobile number.

Help! DB was my go-to for sensible answers to everything. And he's not here to ask.

OP posts:
Mummyto2munchkins · 31/07/2019 17:58

Sorry for your loss OP Flowers

Did you DB have much contact with #1 abuser? If they're asking for advice on who it should go to I would write back with the family he use to see the most regular and say if he never saw them much/if at all.
#1 abuser shouldn't get the privalidge if DB hardly saw them.
Hope you're doing OK? . As much as you can be! Xx

SaxxedtotheMax · 31/07/2019 18:02

If you said they were all estranged and you were the only one that had a relationship with him, would that be correct?

Coronapop · 31/07/2019 18:06

Sorry for your loss. Ignore the relatives and keep the money your DB clearly intended for you. And try not to feel guilty.

rhnireland · 31/07/2019 18:22

If it was the other way round and it was your money would you rather your brother got it or your family? It seems to me if he listed you he meant it for you. Do some good with the money in his memory (donate some money to charity, change your life in a positive way by giving yourself some financial security, travel somewhere he wanted to see) and enjoy it in his memory.

If it were me I would want to know that if I was gone too soon one of the few benefits would be that the people I love would receive the money my insurance provides.

Quartz2208 · 31/07/2019 18:28

were you named as a trustee?

What would your brother have wanted

hadthesnip2 · 31/07/2019 18:34

Sorry OP, but you're not being very clear. Why were the pension scheme writing to you if you're not the beneficiary (or one of them). If you are the sole beneficiary then it's of no concern to anyone else what you do with the money.

Why did you mention No1 abuser.....??

hadthesnip2 · 31/07/2019 18:40

@MitziK. Just read your update re the letter again.

I'm making a big assumption that No1 abuser is his/your parent - ie his next of kin. Is this right...?? I'm still not clear why they are writing to you asking for your opinion (or did you mean option). You would only be named by your brother as a beneficiary so why are they writing to you otherwise ...??

Widowodiw · 31/07/2019 18:44

Surely there or are the beneficiary. There’s normally a form to fill in which identifies if there are any dependents so children, parents that are financially dependent etc. On my husband pension I just put that they parents were estranged from me and i didn’t have their details. No more questions were asked and the money was paid to me.

Lindy2 · 31/07/2019 18:50

Give the trustees a run down of your brother's family situation. Who he was in contact with and who he wasn't in contact with.
The trustees can then use their discretion to award the payment to who they feel is the right person. It can also be split between several people if they feel it is appropriate.
If he left no nomination form they are working out who the most appropriate person or persons are to pay it to.
An abuser is not the person they would generally choose. Blood relative or not.
It sounds like you may well be the best person to receive it. You are his sister so a close relative who he was in contact with. Tell them that.
They need the information to make the correct decision.

MitziK · 31/07/2019 20:23

You're right about it being the parent. He paid a lot of money through the years to keep them in fancy gadgets, did shopping, paid bills, etc. Because he was a kind person who didn't have the capability to say no. He'd been told he wasn't allowed to move out, so he never did (undiagnosed ASD is my belief).

Two out of the three other siblings (one was chucked out as a teenager and never seen again until the day of the funeral) were happy enough to float in and out every couple of months at most with no acknowledgement of what the parent was doing - all moved away on the assumption that he was always going to be there to do the stuff they had no interest in.

I wasn't wanted around and was forced to break off contact after a particularly nasty assault. Which one refused to believe, another did but said it was no different to what my brother was on the receiving end of as a child. So it was his own fault for not moving out like everybody else did.

Suppose I could suggest a split, but as the others all have wealthy spouses/properties, I expect they'll say 100% to the abuser.

What irritates me about this is how the abuser's last words to me about my brother were 'I couldn't care less about what happens to him. I HATE him and wish he was dead.' when I'd said if anything ever happened, I've got a spare room and he could move in here. Never expected it to be this way round.

It seems so wrong that a person who was so horrible to him would get it. But if he didn't say who should, I suppose there's no point thinking too much about it.

Wish he'd nominated it to go to the cats' home or something. Anything is better than thinking he deliberately didn't nominate parent/abuser/next of kin and they're going to be extremely wealthy for the last couple of years of their life anyway.

Although they'll probably be very angry that they can't claim benefits as a result...

OP posts:
Desmondo2016 · 31/07/2019 20:29

Are they writing to everyone then? Why have they written to you? Are you executor? It's a bit confusing.

31RueCambon · 31/07/2019 20:33

He nominated you.

Ignore your family.

CrotchetyQuaver · 31/07/2019 20:38

Sorry but you've lost me somewhere, why have they written to you asking for your opinion on how to distribute the money? What exactly have they said about who your DB named as the beneficiary?

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 31/07/2019 20:38

If you give that person the money then you’re colluding in keeping them in power over you and your DB. Why would you go against your brother’s wish?

WeShouldOpenABar · 31/07/2019 20:45

You need to back up and tell us what the letter actually says, you don't have to nominate anyone if that's all its asking you can wash your hands of it. If it goes to abuser so be it but I certainly wouldn't be handing it to him

Quartz2208 · 31/07/2019 21:13

This is all very odd normally people nominate a person to receive it not someone to allocate

what does the letter actually say

mummmy2017 · 31/07/2019 22:06

Ok this is really important.
On the form does it say your name as benifitiary?
Phone them and ask...
If you have anything that says he would leave it all to you , use it
Otherwise both parents share the money....

MitziK · 31/07/2019 22:09

Sorry.

It says he didn't nominate anybody, so they want my opinion as a sibling of how it should be distributed. I expect the parent and other siblings have had something identical.

I'm not an executor. They didn't even want me going to the hospital - said it wasn't worth the bother as he was probably brain dead already. I went. Two siblings turned up once they realised I had been visiting - hadn't bothered before. Told me to go away as nobody likes me and never have done.

The parent said it was too distressing to think about and chose to stay at home throughout.

I was ignored at the funeral, not invited to the thing afterwards and haven't heard a word from any of them since, they've been busy with parties, holidays, overseas weddings and general fun.

Ugh. If the abusive parent had died, they'd have descended to strip the house and not give DB a second thought about being made homeless.

They'll rip me to pieces if they think I've said anything that they wouldn't.

OP posts:
mummmy2017 · 31/07/2019 22:13

Phone them up tomorrow.
Explain about being abused
Do you have anything written down...
Sod what your lot will think, you don't speak to them anyway ....
The pension can decide who to give it too, we got someone cutout due to abuse

PocaNinja · 31/07/2019 22:19

If you have a say in the nomination of the Pearson who receives the money then why don’t you nominate someone who didn’t abuse your DB? Sounds like your DB purposefully did not nominate the abuser and since you are no contact with them why not write back and explain the truth and give it to a charity or someone else you think may deserve it

ThreeFish · 31/07/2019 22:36

That’s a bit strange. Normally if nobody is nominated by the employee they just don’t pay out.
I’ve never heard of them asking for nominations from relatives.

WeAreTheFighters · 01/08/2019 00:12

On my expression of wish form at the top it says they have the absolute right to distribute it however they choose. So it is worth you explaining to them the background if you think the family getting the money will leave you with a bad taste and that DB would genuinely not have wanted it to go to them.
You could nominate a charity instead.
It may not go your way but at least someone expressed his wishes.
Otherwise, if you think he wouldn't have minded and you are able to handle the idea of them getting this cash, just leave it, walk away and move on for your own well being.
I'm sorry for your loss.

Brain06626 · 01/08/2019 03:10

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Lindy2 · 01/08/2019 12:17

Three Fish - if a payment is due the trustees will do everything they can to get it paid out to an appropriate person or persons. It isn't compulsory to fill in a nomination form/expression of wish, but it is a very good idea to do so.
The trustees are fact finding now to make their decision. There are several family members it could go to and it could be split.

Horsemad · 01/08/2019 22:10

If he didn't nominate anyone, wouldn't it go to his estate and be shared out as per his Will or Probate?