This has been on my mind for a couple of years and I don’t know what to do anymore. 2 years ago when i was 20 my grandma commit suicide. We were very very close and she was my confident and someone i really really relied on. She struggled with mental health issues my whole life but everyone tiptoed around it and.i didn’t become aware of it until shortly before her death. We would talk on the phone 3-4 times a week but the night she died she called me I didn’t pick up as I was on holiday and was a bit busy and was going to call her the next day. She was found overdosed on pills mixed with alcohol that night and I found out a few nights later as my dad didn’t want to ruin my holiday.i feel so responsible. I even felt slightly annoyed the night she rung because it had been the 5th or 6th evening in a row and it haunts me and really affected me. I’m so paranoid that I’m going to lose someone in my life especially my children and struggle to even let anyone look after them even my oh, I can’t argue. I miss her so much and feel like if I’d just picked up the phone she’d still be here.its also induced ocd with intrusive thoughts about something happening to the kids. I was up 5 or 6 times every night just to make sure they’re breathing and have to take photos of the oven being off so I can check it in the night. I don’t know where to go from here