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Bereavement

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Feeling responsible for a close family members death

6 replies

2under3helpme · 21/07/2019 20:50

This has been on my mind for a couple of years and I don’t know what to do anymore. 2 years ago when i was 20 my grandma commit suicide. We were very very close and she was my confident and someone i really really relied on. She struggled with mental health issues my whole life but everyone tiptoed around it and.i didn’t become aware of it until shortly before her death. We would talk on the phone 3-4 times a week but the night she died she called me I didn’t pick up as I was on holiday and was a bit busy and was going to call her the next day. She was found overdosed on pills mixed with alcohol that night and I found out a few nights later as my dad didn’t want to ruin my holiday.i feel so responsible. I even felt slightly annoyed the night she rung because it had been the 5th or 6th evening in a row and it haunts me and really affected me. I’m so paranoid that I’m going to lose someone in my life especially my children and struggle to even let anyone look after them even my oh, I can’t argue. I miss her so much and feel like if I’d just picked up the phone she’d still be here.its also induced ocd with intrusive thoughts about something happening to the kids. I was up 5 or 6 times every night just to make sure they’re breathing and have to take photos of the oven being off so I can check it in the night. I don’t know where to go from here

OP posts:
Stuffofawesome · 21/07/2019 20:57

Didn't want to read and run. It wasn't your fault. Perhaps this organisation can help you process this uksobs.org/

babysharkah · 21/07/2019 20:59

It's not your fault. You were not responsible. I have no wiser words than that and I'm sorry for your loss.

ladygracie · 21/07/2019 21:00

It absolutely wasn’t your fault. I’m so sorry that this has had such an impact on your day to day life. Have you spoken to anyone about it?

CrazyKittenSmile · 21/07/2019 21:04

Have you had any counselling or therapy to deal with this trauma? I recommend speaking to your GP, telling them about the circumstances around the bereavement as well as the intrusive thoughts/ ocd and asking for them to refer you for talking therapy if they can. Some anti-depressants are also good for OCD (I was prescribed sertraline to help when I was having intrusive thoughts and compulsive behaviours) and it might be worth trialling if they work for you as the waiting lists for therapy can be long.

WeeDangerousSpike · 21/07/2019 21:06

It was absolutely not your fault. You are not responsible.

Have you spoken to your GP and / or had any therapy for the ocd and intrusive thoughts? I've had respiridone (sp?) for intrusive thoughts and found it helpful.

Best of luck Flowers

AmazingGrace16 · 21/07/2019 22:09

I think you may know that it wasn't you're fault but perhaps you don't feel it.

I've no advice other than to say give yourself time and love xx

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