He was early thirties, same as me, and we met when we were at school, though we went to different schools.
Our friendship had become the type that we could go months without speaking, but when we did it was like we hadn't missed a day. We have both been through a lot, but were always there for each other. He was my best and closest friend for many years. Especially through some traumatic events in my teens. All night phone calls, crazy adventures, talking about our deepest and weirdest thoughts. I think I was probably in love with him for a long time, and I think he knew that, but it was never more than platonic and he was nothing but a gentleman about it.
Around a year ago we had a long conversation about all our memories and I thanked him for being there for me for so long and we really just reaffirmed how much we meant to each other. That sounds weird when written down.... Like an emotional affair or something, but it really wasn't. He had finally settled down after some crazy years and had met someone that he really loved and I was so happy for him. He needed that stability, and my heart breaks for her that she has lost him so soon.
I'm trying to keep my feelings in as although my DH met him, he didn't know him well, and most people only saw the crazy side of him until they got to know him. So even though I am actually devastated, I feel like I can't be outwardly.
I feel angry that he struggled for so long and was so lonely and now that he finally found happiness he is gone.
I think the thing that is the hardest is knowing that we will never have a catch up again. He will never randomly show up on a night out. He will never do all the things he had planned to do.
In the last couple of weeks I had thought a couple of times that I should text and arrange another catch up. But I have been so busy that it never happened. I though we had time. I thought I would get round to it. But I didn't and now he is gone. I still can't totally believe it. 